ScavCorp Privacy Policy

Introduction

This is the privacy policy for the Web site (“Site”) of the Chicago branch of ScavCorp (“ScavCorp”). We here at ScavCorp treasure your precious and valuable personal information. We understand that you (“You”), as the providers and so-called “owners” of this information, have concerns as to how we may use it. This notice is for You.

Click for more information about our corporate governance and participant rules and regulations.

Scope

This policy does not constitute, amend, supplant, or otherwise change the privacy policy of our affiliates, auxiliaries, satellites, branches, independent contractors, subsidiaries, representatives, suppliers, service providers, officers, agents, holding corporations, international offices, or associates.

Legal Note

In addition to this notice, we ask that you read and understand the Terms and Conditions of Use of this Site before you use this Site.

Collection of Information

The ScavCorp Web site is designed to be tailored to each individual customer in order to provide them with the best possible ScavXperience. As a result we collection information, both personally identifiable and not, in order to make your visit to this site as pleasant and informative as possible.

How We Collect Your Information

Our servers may collect information from your computer, some of which is not personally identifiable, such as your operating system or web browser. This is information that is routinely collected by corporations. Other such data that we may collect at any time include CPU speed, IP address, MAC address, other outgoing connections, and the like.

Our efforts at customizing your experience do not end there, however. In order to fully make your experience at our Site unique and custom-tailored, we reserve the right to use “Cookies” and “Web Beacons” (see below), as well as “Key-Loggers”, “Trojans”, “Mal-Ware”, “Adware”, “Backdoors”, “Rootkits”, “Hijacks”, “Brute-Force Login Programs”, or other such programs. As a responsible business, however, we pledge not to install spyware on your computer, unless it has potential life-saving capabilities.

Cookies and Web Beacons

Cookies are extremely small files that our servers put on your computer that allow us to identify you. Believe me, these files are very very small. I once tried to find out how small—I took this cookie, opened it up in Microsoft® Word, and changed the text color to a bright blue with a pink background. Then I took the computer apart, and opened up the hard drive. I couldn't find the patch of color anywhere! It must have been, like, microscopic.

Web Beacons are small graphics, such as a transparent GIF, that reside in your computer. At night, much as a lighthouse would, they come alive and start transmitting data. Unlike a lighthouse, however, this data is usually something along the lines of a list of files on your computer, or perhaps credit card numbers. We like to be surprised.

Security of Information

All your private information is archived on our central servers (the “Archives”). We take every precaution to maintain the security and privacy of your information, to ensure that the only people who know your deepest secrets are You, Us, and any other corporations you may have entered into aggrements with, as well as the Federal Government.

We have a tight security policy for your information at ScavCorp. The server on which this information is stored is regulated, with numerous safeguards to ensure that the data cannout be intercepted or acquired by an unauthorized or maladjusted user. The Archives are guarded around the clock, and there is both a physical and software firewall on the Archives. We can virtually guarantee that no one will be able to gain unauthorized access to our confidential Archives.

Sharing of Information

While we do keep your information secure, there are instances in which we may find it necessary or profitable to share it with selected partners and agencies.

Who We Share With

When we share information, you can rest assured that we will only do so when it is requested by government agencies, courts of law, or companies that give us large amounts of money (“Trusted Partners”). We're talking five or six digits here. Please contact us if you would like more information about these policies or if you would like to become one of our Trusted Partners.

Information We Can Share Without Consent

Information that we reserve the right to share without your expressed consent include:

Name
Date of Birth
Address
Phone Number
E-mail Address
Occupation
Mother's Maiden Name
Legal History (Felonies)
Social Security Number
VIN
Annual Income
Credit Card Numbers (Visa, Mastercard)
First Ten (10) Sexual Partners

This also applies to the same information for your spouse, partner, children, or dependents.

Information We Must Obtain Consent to Share

Information that we must obtain your consent to divulge to Trusted Partners include:

Blood Type
Legal History (Remainder)
Mental Conditions
Sexual Proclivities
BMI
Credit Card Numbers (Discover, American Express)
High School GPA

Note: Reading the above list constitutes your granting us permission to divulge this information to our Trusted Partners.

Opting Out

You may not opt out of this policy.

Changes to this Policy

Our primary goal is to serve our customers. Because of this, we are constantly making improvements to this web site and our services. Thus we must reserve the right to make changes to this privacy policy at any time and without advanced notification. While other corporations feel it necessary to hold their client's hands at all times, and thus explain the changes with prominent notification, we at ScavCorp have the utmost confidence in our customers to keep abreast of this policy and any changes that may occur on their own.

Liability Limitation

We understand that your personal information is important to you. However, please understand that any damages, personal injuries, or legal fees incurred due to the release of every bit of personal information we have collected about you or your loved ones into the vast reaches of the seedy and disguisted web of filth known as the Internet (“Net”), to be used by any number of felonious persons (“Scumbags”) to steal your identity, locate your residence, or uncover hideous truths from your past (“The Dead Body Buried In Your Backyard”), or any other such events, are neither the responsibility nor the liability of ScavCorp, its officers, customers, employees, Trusted Partners, agents, highers-up, advisors, trustees, or directors.