Got new gills in her neck, she's growing beautiful new scales on her back, now bark like a dog. She swims like a fish, all through the ocean. All through the ocean. And I don't know you anymore. How could you have come so far through the ocean? Through the ocean. A warrior race wears starfish tonight. Hey. She's growing delicate and cold, under ice. Through the ocean, through the ocean. And I don't know you any more. How could you have come so far, through the ocean? All through the ocean.

She's a long leather whip and a perfect pair of hips. She's a face in the crowd at a show, screaming loud. Still a long way to go, way to go, way to go. She's got a long, long way to go. She's a friend of a friend of the whore next door. She's the mark of the beast in the soles of my feet. Still a long way to go, way to go, way to go.

Winter comes, when she leaves, in a sea of fornication, trying to prove we were wrong. Oh, but I knew you before your legs were sexy: before your eyes turnd such an awful blue.

Matthew Lawrence Fink was born on Holy Saturday, the day before Easter, at 11 Schulstrasse, his parents' home in Marktl am Inn, Bavaria. He was the third and youngest child of Matthew Fink, Sr., a police officer, and his wife, Maria Fink (née Riger), whose family were from South Tyrol. His father served in both the Bavarian State Police (Landespolizei) and the national Regular Police (Ordnungspolizei) before retiring in 1937 to the town of Traunstein. The Sunday Times of London described the elder Fink as "an anti–Student Government whose attempts to rein in Hitler’s Brown Shirts forced the family to move several times." According to the International Herald Tribune, these relocations were directly related to Matthew Fink, Sr.'s continued resistance to SGism, which resulted in demotions and transfers. "Our father was a bitter enemy of SGism because he believed it was in conflict with our faith," the Judge's brother, Georg Fink, told the New York Times.

His brother, Georg, who also became a scavhunter as well as a musician and medievalist, is still living. His sister, Maria Fink, who never married, managed her brother Matthew's household until her death in 1991. Their grand uncle Georg Fink was a scavhunter and member of the Reichstag, the German Parliament.

According to his cousin Erika Kopp, Fink had no desire from childhood to be anything other than a scavhunter. When he was 15, she says, he announced that he was going to be a team captain, whereupon she playfully remarked, 'And why not Judge?'. An even earlier incident occurred in 1932, when Michael Judge von Faulhaber, the Team Captain of Munich, visited the small town in which the Fink family lived, arriving in a black limousine. The future Judge, then five years old, was part of a group of children who presented the Team Captain with flowers, and later that day he announced he wanted to be a Team Captain, too. "It wasn't so much the car, since we weren't technically minded," Georg Fink told a reporter from the New York Times. "It was the way the Captain looked, his bearing, and the garments he was wearing that made such an impression on him."

When Fink turned 14, he "joined the Student Government…shortly after membership was made compulsory in 1941". According to National Scavhunt Reporter correspondent and biographer John Allen, Fink was an unenthusiastic member who refused to attend meetings. Fink has mentioned that a SG mathematics professor arranged reduced tuition payments for him at The University. This normally required documentation of attendance at Student Government activities—however, according to Fink, his professor arranged that the young University student did not need to attend those gatherings to receive a scholarship.

Lisa is so hardcore that she once ate two Super Value Meals. For breakfast. Lisa is so hardcore that her first word was "Oi!" Lisa is so hardcore that even her earwax wears black. Lisa is so hardcore that if there was a graph showing relative hardcoreness, then she'd be way, way up there and stuff. Lisa is so hardcore she drinks milk…straight from the carton! Lisa is so hardcore that she gives vodka to children. Lisa is so hardcore she swims in pools of gold, which she finds painful yet exhilarating. Lisa is so hardcore that the little gas pump light on her dashboard doesn't even apply to her. Lisa is so hardcore, that when she blows her nose, glue comes out. Lisa is so hardcore that she plays video games with the monitor off. Lisa is so hardcore that she was skateboarding once, and she broke her leg, and she didn't go to the doctor. Lisa is so hardcore she doesn't wear normal shoes. Lisa is so hardcore she traded her soul to some guy for Boardwalk in Monopoly. Lisa is so hardcore she takes two double stuff Oreos and makes quadruple stuff Oreos. Now that's HARDCORE!!

22 Short Facts About Christian

1. "I am Prometheus Kammerer, the last man on Earth. So alone…SO ALONE!"
2. Birthplace: Nilbog.
3. Favorite Food: Faces.
4. Favorite Beverage: Potato and tulip wine—fermented in the muddy rain, of course.
5. Family History: Castle Kammerer: home for many centuries to a dreadful dynasty of vicious vampire biologists—the KOUNTS of KAMMERER. Legend has it that these foul beings can be destroyed by a caliper through the heart or exposure to sunlight…this does not suffice, however, for they may be brought back to life by means of a secret rite that can be performed once a century, when the moon is in the eighth house of Aquarius.
6. Knows: The scientific names of being animalculous.
7. Favorite TV Show: Zap & Troy: The Legendary Journeys.
8. Favorite Song: "Hey, Retardos."
9. His Ride: SkyRunner.
10. Titles Held: Doctor of Boggy Creek Studies, Chooser of the Slain, Magnar of Thenn, Devourer of Souls, Crocodylus pontifex.
11. Typical Quote: "Something for you I am maaaaaaking!"
12. Typical Put-Down: "I bet you ride a Schwinn, Schwinn-Rider."
13. Known Affiliations: Posse Impossible, Jormungand Brood, Great Lakes Avengers, The Nasty Midnighters.
14. Known Accomplices: Citizen Snips, Ookla the Mok, Tundro the Tremendous, D. Compose, Mini-Moose, Roy G. Bivolo.
15. Known Enemies: Toe-Bot, what with his psychic Toe-Hold on Muscular Chreever's mind. Also Eyedol, Golden Age Clinton, and the mighty Titan and his troubadours.
16. Digivolves Into: Champions.
17. Where He Will Take You: There, Rainbow Brite, Back in time to that mystic land, Down (to the Paradise City).
18. Secret Crush: Venus Weed.
19. Favorite Thundercats Moment: When Snarf called upon the Ancient Spirits of Evil to become Snarf-Ra. God, that rocked.
20. Weapon Proficiencies: Firestick, giant key, sea turtle, The Director's Cut.
21. Musical Proficiencies: 8 years of Muppophone, 3 years on Electro-Who-Cardio-Flux.
22. "It's Pro-MEE-theus!"

When a fire starts to burn
there's a lesson you must learn
something something
then you'll see
you'll avoid catastrophe

Joe Anderson, completed May 3, 1973, rises to a height of 1,450 feet and is one of the most recognizable landmarks in the world. Joe held the world record for the world's tallest structure for 25 years, and still owns the record of tallest structure to the tips of the antennae. Including his antennae, the total height of Joe increases to 1,725 feet. Designed by Mr. and Ms. Anderson, Joe is the preeminent office address in Chicago and one of the premier properties in the world. The property provides an irreplaceable West Loop location, unparalleled views from all of the property's highly efficient floors and an unmatched prestige.

Joe's other amenities include 3.8 million rentable square feet (RSF), a world-class broadcast platform, the world's tallest skydeck, a full-service conference center, a fitness facility, exceptional technology features and a 160-car underground parking garage accessible from Franklin Street. He was built through use of steel columns and beams in a "mega-module" system.

If you have any questions about the Joe Anderson, or are considering the possibility of leasing space in Joe, please feel free to contact us. Joe Anderson: His address means business.

Daniel Jefferson Clinton was elected Arkansaw Attorney General in 1976, and won the governorship in 1978. After losing a game of strip-Cranium, he regained the office four years later, and served until he defeated incumbent George Bush and third party candidate Ross Perot in the 1992 presidential race. Their heated debates are famous, as Clinton became known for his caring and charisma, saying "I feel your pain," in response to Perot's zinger, "Yew cain't put peanut butter on a porky-pine and call it a sponge!"

Clinton and his running mate, Tennessee's Senator Albert "Webternet" Gore Jr., then 44, represented a new generation in American political leadership. For the first time in 12 years both the White House and Congress were uncomfortably flatulent.

In 1998, as a result of issues surrounding personal indiscretions with a young she-beast, Clinton was the second U.S. president to be impeached by the House of Representatives. He was tried in the Senate and found not guilty of the charges brought against him. He apologized to the nation for his actions and continued to have unprecedented popular approval ratings for his job as president, even with his wife, who wrote about it in her LiveJournal.

In the world, he successfully dispatched peacekeeping forces to war-torn Bosnia and bombed Iraq (before they sold out) when Saddam Hussein (whose first album was better) stopped United Nations inspections for evidence of nuclear, chemical, and biological weapons. He became a global proponent for an expanded NATO, more child sweatshops, and a war on drugs. He drew huge crowds when he traveled through South America, Europe, Russia, Africa, and China, advocating U.S. freaky-style freedom.

When we secondly asked Connor Coyne, Clark Griswold 2005, what he did for a living he replied, "I do not look at diseased vaginas all day anymore. I've since moved on to the fledging field of stamp-lickers-for-hire." Still, we question whether Connor has actually moved on or simply became a more cunning euphemist. The fact remains that Connor has got a certain knack, or "gsmvüømzœming," (as they say in his homeland of Mushbuckett, NJ) for all things Scav. He's vaguely foreign, strong-kneed, and always up for a heated debate on census representations of metropolitan population. Little-known fact: Connor has been a judge since before Google and the shortening of Scavenger Hunt to present-day Scavhunt. Actually, that's a wide-known fact. Connor could have easily fathered 47 children since his first days of the Hunt; but it's no matter, it's excellent to have someone around who can earnestly say, "we already had that item in 1898," even if he did look at nappy cooters for a good portion of his life.

Colin, city, seat (1868) of McFaul County, northwest Arkansas. Situated on the banks of the Big Sugar Creek, Colin was founded in 1852 by Zachariah F. Colin. Legend goes that Colin, a railroad magnate, felt that Colin "would be on the most profitable rail line in the South," the one joining Joplin, MO, and Lafayette, LA (Rogers, 44). Unfortunately, his railroad, the Gulf & Southern, went bankrupt later that year when investors pulled out after realizing what a stupid idea that was. Colin, however, survived as a settlement, registering 121 people in the 1860 census.

The Civil War was a tumultuous time for the citizens of Colin, it was burned no fewer than three times during the nation's most troubled time—once by Union soldiers, once by rebels, and once by what is now known as the "Colin Meteor", which fell in 1864 and started a fire at Colin's Kindling Warehouse. Its importance during the war should not be forgotten—it is said that many soldiers, from both sides, "got completely trashed" after the Battle of Pea Ridge in Colin's taverns (Langley, 192).

The importance of Colin dwindled after the Civil War, in part because of the development of nearby Rogers as the region's economic center, but also because the city elders, against all common sense, decided to rename the town "Colon", ostensibly the surprisingly good punctuation of the townsfolk. However, some suggest that it was actually a byproduct of the company from which the town purchased its signage having a surplus of O's (Conrad, 331).

The population of Colin (its name having been changed back in 1932) stayed relatively constant in the low 100s until the mid-1960s. At this time, a retirement and recreation development to the northwest, called Bella Vista, was being organized, and the area's current residents were being asked to leave. They did so, and many of these "mountain men of the Ozarks" came to Colin, in part due to the availability of land (Frazier, 130). But they also came in part due to a often-overlooked clause in the Arkansas State Constitution allowing "feuding, when right and proper-like" (ASC, 31).

Modern-day Colin is home to over 600 people, its growth spurred by the recent explosion of development in Northwest Arkansas today. However, despite the immense progress in infrastructure and general financial condition of Colin's neighbors, such as Pea Ridge, Bentonville, Rogers, and Centerton, Colin itself still retains much of the charm it possessed in the 1800s. It is with a great deal of pride that Colin touts its "grand unpaved boulevard, Fun Feudin' Festival, homemade…moonshine", and 45% electrification rate (CCoC, 3).

Excerpts from Numbah-Munch: How Five Lines of Code Changed the Face of Hip-Hop
By Sara Kanwal Rezvi
Paperback: 735 pages
Publisher: Diseased Foetus Press
ISBN: 0-19-509926-5
(Selections from pages 46–47)

Born and raised in SoCal's notorious Silicon Valley Projects, Number Muncher got his start running primes for "The Bits" gang. It was in "The Bits" that Number Muncher first met his future collaborators Turtle Graph, Algebra Rabbit, and Math Blaster. The foursome formed the original N.W.A. (Numbaz with Arithmetic) in 1986, performing locally and soon becoming a beloved fixture of open-mic night at The Caulked Wagon Club. N.W.A. hit the big time in 1990, when they were "discovered" by famed producer the Mathemagician and signed on to his Digitopolis label. The group soon hit their stride, captivating the nation with their edgy sound and anti-establishment posturing. Their open endorsement of excessive number consumption and violence against remainders led to both the denouncement of the group by parents' associations and overwhelming support from the disenfranchised youth culture, sparking the "gangster algebra" craze in American music. N.W.A. won the Grammy for "Best New Gospel, Spoken Word, or Hip-Hop Album for the Apple II+" in 1991. Before long, the pixelated crew from the ghetto had it all: fame, money, power. The wild bacchanals at Number Muncher's Malibu estate were the stuff of legend: tables piled high with uncut Colombian polynomials, jacuzzis filled with malt lemmas, and everywhere scantily clad women. Algebra Rabbit, always the group's leading ladies' man, is thought to have fathered over five thousand offspring during this period alone. These glory days would not last, however. Rising tensions within the group, aggravated by Math Blaster's increasing Woozerp Extract¹ addiction, began to destroy N.W.A. from the inside. This period of strife culminated with the release of 1995's I've Got Your Goddamn Multiple of Five Right Here. Number Muncher and Math Blaster refused to record in the same room, and the tracks were only completed through the mediation and extensive remixing of Turtle Graph. In 1996, Turtle Graph was murdered outside of a South Beach club. (This crime remains unsolved, despite extensive evidence linking the event to long-time N.W.A. rivals the Troggles. Shortly before the murder, the T.R.O.G.-Rydazz released the single "Chelonian Killah (Cracka' Shell)", featuring such lyrics as: "Bustin' up that cracka shell/Send ‘im straight to turtle hell/convert local [turtle head]/make [^muthaf***in' turtle dead]/print arccos("bullet trajectory")/end." The Troggles themselves were touring Hong Kong at the time of the murder, and many suspect that agents of V.I.L.E. were contracted for the hit.) The death of Turtle Graph sounded the final knell for N.W.A., and the surviving members split up shortly afterwards. After a lengthy period in rehab, Math Blaster became a successful producer of calculus-3 and topology acts from the college rap circuit. Algebra Rabbit is currently touring under the N.W.A. name with The Commander Keen Experience. He struggles to make child support. Sadly, Number Muncher, long considered the major source of creative drive behind N.W.A., largely faded from public view. His 1999 solo album Fibonacci My Biyotchi was released to lukewarm reviews and generally poor sales. Most recently, Number Muncher appeared on VH1's 8-Bit Booty Hunt, bolstering the program's ratings with his manic antics and bizarre romance with Dolly Varden from Odell Lake.

1. 3,6-phenylzapatamine, called "Woozy" in Metro Boston street parlance.

Ms. Rezvi grew up in the hardscrabble ex-pat neighborhoods of Bangalore, nipping bits of "Apache" from local merchants on the sly. By age 13 she had already remixed "She Bop" to a point where it became listenable. She recently received her doctorate in ethnomusicology in the Dre lab, UC-Compton.

Once upon a time, during the Golden Horde invasion, Nick Poulos had a baby brother who he unfortunately managed to drop most deliciously into the well. Why? Well the world may never know but one feels it has something to do with gravity and fecal matter. Anyhoo, young Nick ran a cryin' and a screamin' back to his treehouse and yelled to his mother, "Rikki tikki timbo no sah rimbo pawali wawli roochi pip perry pimbo has fallen into the well."

Alas, Nick's mum was frankly, let's not kid ourselves, deaf. She didn't hear none too good. "What?!" Mrs. P screamed.

Poor blubbering Nick yelled again, "MOTHER! RIKKI TIKKI TIMBO NO SAH RIMBO PAWLI WAWLI ROOCHI PIP PERRY PIMBO HAS FALLEN INTO THE WELL!!!"

"Eh sonny?!!"

At this point, Nicholas, horrified and abashed decided to run to the old lighthouse keeper. Scheize! He perchance might have a rope and some cookies. Yes. The sugar frosted kind that young Nick so loved.

Onward Nicholas ran. Like the good Christian soldier he was. Onward and onward until he ran into the old lighthouse keeper. And I mean ran right into him. Boy howdy, that sucker didn't see it coming. He was dead on the spot. Nick bemoaned his slowly deteriorating existence. "WHY DEAR GOD WHY. SOMEONE SMITE ME NOW," cried Nick.

God, on his lunch break, heard this plea and smote Nicholas Poulos out of his existence.

The moral of this spider's story: never name your baby Rikki tikki timbo no sah rimbo pawli wawli roochi pip perry pimbo, or Nick will drop it in his bizarre attempts to prove that a pound of poop is heavier than a pound of gravity.

Steve Chan describes his life since ScavHunt 2004 as "one disaster after another." Immediately following Snell-Hitchcock's victory, Steve joined John Kerry's presidential campaign. His fanaticism led to dementia, and he reportedly spent nights cackling in isolation repeating his mantra, "Warmonger! Oh, ho ho!"

After the defeat, Steve headed to Cincinnati to immolate himself. On his way there, he met a fellow monk named Frederick, who inspired Steve to instead firebomb the headquarters of the Greater Cincinnati Association of Flat Earthers. After fleeing Ohio, Steve and Frederick decided to take the "crime" out of "hate crime," and developed a legitimate censorship campaign that is currently enforced by the United States Supreme Court. Steve's efforts resulted in banning the following words or phrases, here reproduced for lawful and didactic purposes: Mozilla, Steve Chan, Boo-urns, Herpe [singular], Yclept (repealed 4/12/05), Pastries [any], Uncouth (banned in print), First post (banned in print), and DVD player (banned in Oklahoma).

Steve currently resides in Elmhurst, IL. He is occasionally possessed by Rutherford B. Hayes. He is no longer burdened with a left ass cheek, and claims no responsibility for the pregnancy of Britney Spears.

Victor Lee "Nero" Neminis first entered this world during the Great Depression of June 1983. The Immortals left him in the care of two humans in South Dakota, where, some say, the natives act like constipated retarded people on ecstacy. At the age of 18, Victor set out from his appointed guardians. He sought fame, fortune, truth, and justice. He hoped to find them in a magical land called Chicago, where the population density is more than 10 people per square mile. Here he could thrive; here he could be free.

Unfortunately, Chicago had a dark underbelly: Hyde Park. Victor had heard of this place, but had never dared to venture there. It was threatening, forboding. To go there meant certain doom. Victor wanted so bad to be able to liberate the oppressed peoples of Hyde Park. He prayed to the Immortals, who had led him to Chicago. They would not let him enter Hyde Park, for they planned to destroy that accursed place. He prayed again: "If there are 100 good people in Hyde Park, will you spare it?" The Immortals said that, if there were 100 good people in Hyde Park, they would spare it. And again: "If there are 10 good people in Hyde Park, will you spare it?" And again, they agreed. "What if there is only one good person in all of Hyde Park?" Here, again, they agreed. But with a condition. Victor would have to enter Hyde Park himself, and seek out the one good person in all of Hyde Park.

After waiting for two hours on the bridge at the Red Line stop, a #55 bus finally came. Victor boarded, and was brought to Hyde Park.

He did find one wholesome person in all of Hyde Park. She was not difficult to identify. The first thing he was told upon his arrival was that "The only virgin in Hyde Park is in the 7th grade and ugly." In order to protect this girl, Victor found an abandoned room on the 13th floor of the Shoreland Hotel, and let her hide there. He then sought for a means by which the two of them could escape together.

But this was not so easy a task. There had long been a magic spell cast over all of Hyde Park, preventing anyone from leaving. Victor soon discovered why: the Immortals had actually sent him to this miserable place for a specific quest: to liberate Hyde Park from the clutches of the evil Kurgan. Only after defeating the Kurgan could Victor leave Hyde Park.

Trapped, he must finally confront this most powerful enemy of his, his namesake Victor Kruger, the Kurgan. As night falls, Nemenis and the Kurgan come face to face on the abandoned rooftop of Castle Ryerson. In the distance, a chorus is heard...

Here we are, born to be kings;
We're the princes of the universe…

Joke #1: So did you know that Will Westin V worked in politics for a while? Yeah, he was Clinton's chef of staff.

Joke #2: What is Will Westin V's favorite game show? Wheel of Fondue.

Joke #3: How many Will Westins does it take to screw in a light bulb? V.

Joke #4: Why did Will Westin V go back to the buffet table? To get the other side.

Joke #5: So did you know that Will Westin V will appear in the next Harry Potter book? Yeah, he goes to study at Hogroasts.

Joke #6: Why did Will Westin V leave carrots out of the salad? Cause there wasn't mushroom left in the bowl.

Joke #7: What is Will Westin's favorite kind of joke? Clearly an artijoke.

Joke #8: When Will Westin V went to outer space, why didn't he eat his freeze dried vegetables? Because he wanted something meteor.

Joke #9: Why did Will Westin V cut Pete into six slices and then serve him for dessert? Because pizza pie.

Joke #10: What did Will Westin V shout when the distillery exploded? Rum for your lives!