UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO
SCAVENGER HUNT ORGANISATION COMMITTEE
BYLAWS, SUCH AS
THEY ARE
ARTICLE I NAME
Section 1. The
name of this organization shall be The Official University of Chicago Official
Scavenger Hunt Organisation Committee, also to be known as The Great Hunt, The
Scavenger Hunt, ScavHunt, Scav Hunt, the Hunt, That Thing That Left All Those
Cans in the Maroon Office, ScavCore, The Fucking Scavenger Hunt, The
Scavenger Fucking Hunt, The Fuckinger Hunt, Jar Jar Binks, ScavCom, Scav Com,
ScavComm, Scav Comm, Scavcabal, the Cabal, Cable from X-Factor, Solipsistic
Bastards, Ratanna, ScandalCom, El Sindicato, or Ethel.
ARTICLE II PURPOSE
Section 1. The
Scavenger Hunt exists as a group of individuals who subscribe to the philosophy
that true enlightenment can only be attained through freedom, and further, that
true freedom can only be realized through utter chaos. The Scavenger Hunt feels
that probably most of the students in the University lack the emotional
maturity to experience this total freedom and that the University lacks the
financial resources to keep rebuilding itself after students reveling in this
freedom become too “self-expressive.” To this end, the Scavenger Hunt seeks to
gradually shepherd the University into the new age of enlightenment by
establishing futuristic microcosms every spring in Ida Noyes Hall, wherein
student teams compete to acquire the highest number of points based on objects
listed by the Hunt Committee, each object having been attributed a certain
numerical value due to its relative spiritual importance (Commandments
governing said acquisition given to the seekers of these karmacharged objects,
so that they shall not bring pain shame, or imprisonment upon themselves or the
University). These “microcosms” essentially amount to pocket universes of
chaos, which are, historically speaking, well attended, and well-appreciated by
all in attendance.
ARTICLE III FIELD
OF MEMBERSHIP
Section 1. The
Scavenger Hunt Committee consists of two types of memberships: Hot Side Hot,
and Cold Side Cold. Hot Side Hot oversees the (un)holy and mysterious affairs
of the Scavenger Hunt and is given an omniscient overview of Things Mere
Mortals Were Never Meant To Know (such as the Compilation Of Sacred Items To Be
Acquired, and The Great Roadtrip Pilgrimage). Cold Side Cold is the faithful
who is the Hot Side Hot’s Eyes and Hands. Cold Side Cold aids with advertising,
logistics, and budgeting, and is the most stalwart and steadfast collection of
men and women, but nevertheless, not permitted to know Things Mere Mortals Were
Never Meant To Know. Only University students are permitted to vote in the
Scavenger Hunt Committee, but anyone may petition for membership, and, The
Scavenger Hunt being a theocracy rather than a democracy, they will enjoy much
the same privileges as anyone else.
Section 2. As
stated, anyone may petition for Scavenger Hunt membership. The petition process
involves the submission of a preliminary Compilation which will be reviewed by
the sitting Pantheon. A Compilation unanimously agreed to be Platonically
“good.” will earn the petitioner an audience with members of the Hot Side Hot
whom she does not already have the pleasure of acquaintance, wherein the Hot
Side Hot will ascertain whether the petitioner has any flaws, such as modesty
or sensitivity, that would make her unfit for joining the Hot Side Hot.
Finally, decisions will be made taking into account the petitioner’s previous
experience with The Great Hunt and with the University — priority obviously
given to elders and captains. Barring a poor Compilation, Audience, or Record,
the petitioner then joins the Hot Side Hot with all privileges resulting,
effective immediately. In the other case, the petitioner is thanked, and
invited to pursue ultimate enlightenment, either with the Cold Side Cold or by
competing in The Great Hunt. All petitioners must live in the Chicagoland Area,
have a GPA of at least 0.5, or the money to bribe their way around said
restriction. Additionally, they must be currently metabolically viable, and
while mania is not required, it certainly is encouraged. It is important to
distinguish these requirements from those of Scavenger Hunt Competitors, for
whom there are no requirements (except for GSB students, who must swear undying
fealty to the quest to regain The Romper Room).
Section 3. No
judge is allowed to be named “Mike ‘Scavvy’ Hunt.” This in no way however, disallows a judge from being named
Sam ‘Scavvy’ Hunt”
ARTICLE IV OFFICERS
Section 1&3 There
are four main offices in the Scavenger Hunt Pantheon. The Scavenczar is the
general overseer, grand marshal, and chief judge in charge of Absolutely
Everything. The Minister of Propaganda is responsible for acquiring funds from
the SGFC (“Those Who Control The Cosmic Purse Strings”), and for making sure
that the lucre never stops flowing. The Clark Griswold is the dark god of the
Pantheon. The responsibility of this office is to select the torturous route
for the Roadtrip Pilgrimage in order to ensure maximum spiritual cleansing. Sir
Ector is responsible for collecting and archiving the various documents,
photos, and other records produced during each ScavHunt for the purposes of
amusement and inevitable litigation that is always bound to follow. Lastly, there is The Keeper of the
Scrolls, whose job it is to order and track the items on the Compilation. The
Keeper is also charged with hurling lightning bolts to destroy any non-Hot Side
Hot who would profane the sacred Compilation with their unworthy eyes.
Section 2. § The
Scavenczar must have a mind like a steel trap, and a whole lot of time on his
hands.
§ The
Minister of Propaganda must be able to maintain a presence on the internet,
must be able to perform complex mathematical equations in his or her head, and
must be able to produce “the best budget[s] we’ve ever seen” (Ken Monohan, SGFC
’94–’95). Should he or she ever
somehow manage to convince the SGFC that we actually do have a Captains/Judges
breakfast on Thursday morning each year, it will be noted as a first.
§ The
Clark Griswold must not require sleep or food, and should be 21 years of age or
older, to which end, the Scavenczar decrees that he may be a member of the
university faculty or on research staff at the BSLC or Hospital who has
received his degree within two years prior, and is vouched for by two current
officers, including the Scavenczar, but not on leap years.
§ Sir
Ector must have access to a digital camera and a file cabinet. His fascination with the phenomenon of
the Scavenger Hunt must be far enough beyond that of the majority of the judges
that Hot Side Hot is able to justifiably call it “sick.” More importantly, this office is to be
given the Hot Side Hot member who is having the hardest time admitting that
ScavHunt did in fact end on Sunday.
§ The
Keeper of the Scrolls must also have a mind like a steel trap, the cunning to
outwit those who would attempt to steal the Compilation, and a password program
on her computer. Additionally, she must have a passing familiarity with LaTEX and know how to
use chmod, for chrissakes. The
Keeper of the Scrolls, being the most anal-retentive Judge, as is implicit in
the bylaws, is responsible for choosing a successor.
Section 4. Eternity
or the Academic Year, whichever comes first.
Section 5. Officers
will be elected by general consensus, with all objections taken into
consideration. The titles are bestowed by the past holder upon a candidate who
is then confirmed by the group. Power will be transferred at the beginning of
the academic year, by the ritual phrases “Doyouwannadoit?” and “Yeahsure,” and
although there will be no official announcement save a Spartan communiqué to
the faculty advisor, everyone, everywhere will somehow just know what has
transpired.
Section 6. In
the case of amicable removal, the above procedures will be followed. In the
unlikely event of an excommunication upon a unanimous vote of “sucks,” the
officer in question will be upbraided, shunned, and have his password
privileges revoked. Depending upon the severity of the expelling offense he or
she may be found deported the next morning.
Section 7. Additional
offices and titles can be designated each year. However, the position of
Prophet Elijah must always remain vacant.
ARTICLE V MEETINGS
Section 1. Regular
meetings of this organization shall be held at irregular but increasingly
frequent intervals throughout the year, amounting to about twice a week in the
heaviest times. Times and places are organized by the Scavenczar and based upon
the availability and convenience of the Hot Side Hot. It is generally a good
idea to have a meeting at the beginning of the snowy quarter with potential Hot
Side Hot members and former captains. By winter’s end, the Scavenczar should
have a meeting wherein the Hot Side Hot and their lists will be presented.
Section 2. Special
meetings are the normal practice of the Scavenger Hunt, and may be called by
anyone (usually the Scavenczar) at anytime. Members shall be given .25 days’
notice of such meetings.
Section 3. The
majority of the present members is a quorum, life essentially being a thing
defined by opportunity and timing. Should he or she not be present, the
Scavenczar is required to be notified of decisions made at a meeting, but
members need not restrict their remarks to happenings at the meetings, and are
encouraged to make disparaging remarks about the Scavenczar's work ethic, and,
when appropriate, hygienic practices.
Section 4. Meetings
will also occur virtually with the use of the Scav Hunt mailing list. Only Hot
Side Hot are allowed to subscribe, though Hot Side Hot emeriti (such as
T-Meredi) may remain on the list. This tool is useful for spreading information
about meetings or items. It is not to be used to distribute either chain
letters, jokes, or pornography.
Section 5. Since
we’re so charming and funny, minutes of the “Full Disclosure” era of the
ScavHunt—that is, now—will be made public. Brainstorms about items will not,
though. This disclosure should also keep whiny members of SG quiet, as they see
our inner workings and realise that, just as no one really wants to see how SG
operates, everyone should want to see how the ScavHunt operates.
Section 6. No
meeting bearing the name of ScavHunt shall ever be concluded while beer remains
on the table.
ARTICLE VI ELECTIONS
Section 1. Election
of officers shall be held at the terminus of each Scavenger Hunt active year.
Section 2. Public
ballots of all standing Hot Side Hot will be considered.
Section 3. The
Hot Side Hot being a compact and often meeting group, word will eventually be
given to all of them. Hot Side Hot unavailable to participate in Judgment Day
at Ida Noyes Hall are not eligible for nomination to be the standing officers.
Section 4. No
Judge is ever permitted to nominate him or herself for anything.
ARTICLE VII ADVISORS
Section 1. Our
organization will have one or more liaison with University community. Our
advisor, upon the devastating loss of Edward “The Turk” Turkington, the former Dean
of Student Services, is Lori Hurvitz. We feel that Lori Hurvitz is an
appropriate choice because we both want the students to have a maximal amount
of fun with a bare minimum of damage to living things. The Scavenger Hunt has
also enjoyed its dealings with Charles Farrell in the past, but is unaware of
his disposition as to becoming the second faculty/staff liaison. If the Scavenger
Hunt ever has Dr. Isaac Abella as a faculty advisor, the world will soon end,
and, in all probability, hell has already frozen over.
Section 2. The
advisors will be selected by the four High Hot Side Hot adhering to the
guidelines set forth above. Fundamentals faculty should be strongly considered
in order to give them something useful to do.
Section 3. Appointments
will be mentioned in an offhand sort of way at meetings so as not to alarm
anyone.
ARTICLE VIII COMMITTEES
Section 1 The
Scavenger Hunt has six standing committees: Pilgrimage, Finance, Advertising,
Facilities, Judging, and List. Pilgrimage organizes and plans the roadtrip,
including embarking on exploratory mission along the proposed route. The
Pilgrimage Committee reports to the Clark Griswold, and peripherally to the
Minister of Propaganda. Finance estimates quarterly expenses, creates budget
proposals and keeps track of available funds throughout the year. The Finance
Committee reports to the Minister of Propaganda. Advertising is responsible for
designing and producing posters, banners, and t-shirts to inform the campus
about the Scavenger Hunt. Since Advertising also reports to the Minister of
Propaganda, the Advertising and Finance committees are merged into one, but
maintain figurehead autonomy in deference to an atavistic adherence to
libertarian virtues. Facilities is in charge of reserving and procuring
personnel, materials, and space required for the Hunt, excluding those required
for the roadtrip. Facilities reports to the Scavenczar. The Scavenczar also
solely manages the Judging Committee, which amends the text of Article XI to
fit as a mold that should shape the practices of Scavenger Hunt personnel on
Judgment Day, and jointly oversees the Public Relations Committee (which maintains
contact with community charitable organizations, faculty/staff liaisons, and
local and national media), with the Minister of Propaganda. The Keeper's main
committee is the List Committee, which is responsible for producing, refining
and editing the Compilation.
Section 2. The
previous section is far too confusing, and should therefore be declared null
and void as needed.
Section 3. Appointments
to the committees are on a voluntary basis, provided that each deity sits on
not less than two and not more than three committees. The two integers in that
previous sentence can be changed or ignored. Cold Side Cold may volunteer
themselves for the Ad, Fac, Finance, or PR Committees, subject to approval from
the committee’s Hot Side Hot.
Section 4. The
Hot Side Hot also informally form the informal Theme (Song) Committee, which
picks a catchy pop song or track by Sonic Youth every year. For history (and
laughter)’s sake, the list of these songs will be appended to the bylaws by the
Keeper of the Scrolls.
ARTICLE IX DUES
Section 1. Scavenger
Hunt Hot Side Hot must pledge their immortal souls to the Hunt once per
quarter.
ARTICLE X HANDLING
OF FUNDS
Section 1. The
Scavenger Hunt’s immense financial resources come from its budget negotiations
with the SGFC, and as such is deposited to the SAO account (after which, as a
former Scavenczar once remarked, it is never seen again). Any funds
hypothetically generated by the sale of T-shirts or similar artifacts will
naturally go to the SAO account to defray the cost to the SGFC, or buys pizza
for the Committee, depending upon what we can get away with. The Minister of
Propaganda and the Scavenczar are authorized to withdraw funds and must initial
all such withdrawal requests. During Periods of Famine (exempla gratis: 1999),
the Scavenczar and Minister of Propaganda may be required to dip into their own
gold-lined pockets or seek advertising whoremoney to cover costs. In the case
of the former, the Hot Side Hot will feel Catholic guilt and give some of their
own coin. In the case of the latter, we’ll all just feel dirty for becoming
Californian in our ways and means.
Section 2. In
the mind-boggling event that an alum should volunteer a “shitload” of cash for
the purposes of funding The Great Hunt, the Annual Allocations budget proposal
may be modified in accordance by the Minister of Propaganda. However, the Scavenczar is responsible
for ensuring the ultimate autonomy of the organization and especially the List. In return for their generous monies,
donors may be annually provided with no more than the following returns: a
schedule of public events, a non-judge t-shirt, dinner and a movie, a
babysitter drawn from the Hot Side Hot ranks well-trained in the art of
schmoozing, a personal letter, and a “thanks a lot, suckers,” message on the
official website. Should the
ScavHuntSugarDaddy be presently reading these bylaws, he should be aware that
of course, we are only kidding.
ARTICLE XI JUDGMENT
PRACTICES
Section 1. All
judges during the period of the Hunt are to award points soberly, or at least
fooling the Scavenczar with acts of sobriety.
Section 2. Partial
credit saved all our asses in Physics class. It can, therefore, save teams,
too. The Hot Side Hot can award partial credit even when it’s partially due.
Section 3. Special
points, that is, points not indicated in the List of Lists, should be granted
with extreme discretion and discipline and only in cases of earth-shattering
creativity, personal sacrifice befitting a defender at
Section 4. As
always, the Scavenczar’s word on points is final.
Section 5. Let
n be a number for which all items with a larger point value are deemed
“Showcase.” Let m be a number less than n for which all items
with a larger point value are deemed “Scaled” items. Showcase items are all
judged at once, by all of the Hot Side Hot at once, in a manner similar to
judging at diving competitions. However, no member of the Hot Side Hot should
feel the need to emulate that cranky French judge with a chip on her shoulder
larger than her annual makeup bill. Scaled items are all judged on a scale of 1
– 10, (or sometimes 11, should a Judge feel the item truly rocks) preferably using integers only, which
is then converted by the judges into points using a very, very secret
algorithm. Should the above method
prove to be unnecessary/daunting/incompatible/moronic/way over our heads,
“Showcase” items may be denoted on the List of Lists with a † or other
non-secular symbol.
Section 5. All
other rules pertaining to the behaviour of the Hunt participants are covered in
the Rules of the Hunt, a document changed every calendar year to accommodate
the various ways in which kids broke the law from the previous year. The Keeper
of the Scrolls must invent a new way of saying “do whatever it takes, but do it
LEGALLY” every year.
ARTICLE XII THE
GREAT HUNT
Section 1. The
Great Hunt begins on a Thursday. It ends with Judgment Day, which occurs on
Mother’s Day (since our mothers are all judgmental) or on the following Sunday,
whichever comes first. As a
courtesy, the members of Hot Side Hot are encouraged to remind the Scavenczar
to call his mother on Sunday in order to avoid any hindrances to his judgment.
Section 2. The
Great Hunt’s Great List is distributed at the beginning of the Hunt, hopefully
containing a tasteful minimum of references to The Simpsons. It will then be
revised several times, leading to massive confusion. In addition to the List of
Items will be a list of ScavOlympic items, a waiver that the lawyers make us
distribute which absolves the ScandalCom of any and all scandals which will
inevitably arise, and, optionally, a schedule of events for The Great Hunt.
Section 3. During
the Hunt, special positions may be created. These usually involve the Road Trip
Judge, who judges only items acquired during Pilgrimmages (as opposed to the
regular members of the Hot Side Hot, who each have their own special page); the
ScavOl Judge, who organises and oversees the ScavOlympics; the Special Pts.
Judge, who works with the Scavenczar to determine the awarding of Special
Points; and the Tally Judge, who oversees the honest entry of data into the Black
Box of Scores.
Section 4. The
Great Hunt is not a bachelor party. Unless it is, of course, Neal Israel’s 1984
masterpiece Bachelor Party.
Section 5. Certain
taboos that must be observed with every Great List involve items which damage
or harm living animals, imbibing of spirits or other potables, non-intellectual
theft, and/or explicit nudity.
ARTICLE XIII AMENDMENTS
Section 1. Bylaws
may be amended by 1/4 of total membership. Amendments may not be tabled under
the assumption that the amendors must care enough to attend on the given date.
Section 2. All
Scavenger Hunt members will be contacted by the Scavenczar the day after
amendments are made.
ARTICLE XIV MISCELLANY
Section 1. “Judgment”
is always spelled with only two vowels.
Section 2. Daraka
is a fucking idiot.
Section 3. One
member of the Hot Side Hot must every year argue vehemently for the giving of a
largest treasure to the second-place squadron, just to shake things up.
Section 4. The
Hot Side Hot will not act in loco parentis. It will, however, gleefully act in
flagrante delicto.
Section 5. We
already terrorised David Foster Wallace once during the Hunt. There is every
reason to continue doing so.
Section 6. Continental
orthographic conventions are preferred to the conventions we have out here in
the boonies.
Section 7. These
rules are valid only outside of nations known colloquially as “
By way of a closing
statement the Scavenczar asks that this Constitution be reviewed with an open
mind. Much like the Scavenger Hunt itself, this document is designed for
maximum irreverence, humor and awesome semi-religious mystery (but hey, two out
of three ain’t bad). Should the Prime Overseer of RSO’s (S/He Upon Whom All Depends)
have questions concerning the true meaning of this document I, Michael Campion,
Standing Scavenczar, invite them to call upon me at their convenience to
explain and amend this document with them. I can be reached at 643-5857.
Since the above paragraph
is tragically dated and Michael Campion is now in emeritus, we will assert that
this document holds the true meaning within its words. Authorial intent being a
laughable fallacy and a crutch for knuckle-dragging critics, it will be
dismissed. The truth is in there, to coin a phrase.
That said, should
knuckle-dragging critics want to “analyse” this text, a list of current
officers is appended below, to be changed every year by the Keeper of the
Scrolls.
Last
Modified: Thurs May 6
Theme
Songs:
1998 Weather
Girls, “It’s Raining Men”
1999 Vengaboys,
“We Like to Party”
2000 Positive
K, “I Gotta Man”
2001 The
Charlie Daniels Band, “The Devil Went Down to
2002 Andrew
W.K., “Party Hard”
2003 Kenny
Loggins, “Danger Zone”
2004 Junior
Senior, “Move Your Feet”
List
of Officers for Scavenger Hunt 2004:
Scavenczar Kaury
Ty Eisenman
Sir
Ector
Minister
of Propaganda
Keeper
of the Scrolls Matthew
Richard Kellard
Hot
Side Hot
Joseph
Elrond Anderson
Steven
Joseph Cicala
Daniel
Patrick Clinton
Karl
Lawrence
Sebastian
Peter Ellefson
Marina
L. Gitman
Benjamin
David Golden
Jessica
Beth Jalbrzikowski
Christian
Farrel Kammerer
Joseph
Sidney Levy
Evan
Lloyd Lorenz
Courtney
Marie Prokopas
Sonia
Mariea Rupcic
Prophet
Elijah (Vacant)