Sonia Rupcic hails from the only country (at least as far as I know) with a goat on its flag, Goatswana. Like most Goatswanans, Sonia has awesome super powers. One time I saw her eat a whole bag of popcorn at the movie theater. I was like, whoa dude, that’s a lot of popcorn. And she was like what? It’s only a small. NO WAY!!!
When the goats tried to overthrow the government, who was there to stop them? That’s right. Sonia’s aunt. Sonia said dude, aunt, I’m too busy to deal with this little "revolution" taking place "in" our country. You take care of it. And Sonia’s aunt said okay because she respects Sonia to the max. Everyone respects Sonia to the max. Even my friend Max.
Southern cult rock diva Courtney was born, the granddaughter of a sailor, on the day after Christmas, 1947, in Pink Crustacean, Mississippi. At a young age, her family moved to Birmingham, Alabama, where she attended Calvinist Prep School. After several lean years following college, Courtney traveled to Miami, recorded some new "laid-back" songs and cultivated an image involving mirrored sunglasses and Hawaiian shirts.
Her popularity exploded in the 1970s with the party favorites "Let's get Rummy (and Libre)" and "Gintown." Capitalizing upon her success, Coutney began marketing everything from Blue (obscene) Guitars to West Nashville Grand Ballroom gowns. Unfortunately, she squandered her fortunes trying to build a beach house on the moon.
Today, Courtney is a Hyde Park native. It's not unusual to find her sitting outside the Calypso restaurant in Harper Court, nibbling on sponge cake and watching the sun bake all the tourists covered with... oil?
I first saw Evan Lorenz during the twilight years of the Jazz Age, in a seedy "establishment" known to very few and actually patronized by even less. Upon meeting my curious gaze, Evan promptly dropped his crystal glass of Courvoisier, scrambled to his feet, and muttered, "You owe me a drink." I couldn't believe my ears at first, but the details became clear as Evan began to whisper his story to me over round after round of VSOP. I was the first to hear it.
At age 17, the love of his life having left for another man, Evan had set out to get rich and win his lady back. But after years of infomercials for the EvCo Food Dehydrator, some sketchy dealings concerning a certain World Series upset, and an ultimately unsuccessful three-week run on American Idol, Evan's fortune was still too meager to impress his darling. He was finally able to track her to an island on the East Coast, where he spent many lonely nights leaving baskets of cute little kittens on her doorstep then hiding in her hydrangea and doing that thing where you call the person you like and then hang up. The object of his desire was obviously perturbed. Never wanting to give up, Evan went to even more outlandish lengths. However, the lady all but ignored Evan's Oprah bestseller, "It's Not What It Looks Like; Well, Yeah, I Guess It Kind Of Is," his election to the post of Cook County Recorder of Deeds, and his triumphant defeat of both Voldemort *and* Takhisis (all in one year).
"That's too bad," was all I could say to Evan as he swore on his favorite aged brandy that every word was true. He looked me in the eye and promised that tomorrow he will run faster and stretch his arms out farther-but tonight, he must take his leave and go snorkeling against the current in his backyard pool. I warned him to stay out of the water (for the sharks have pretty teeth, dear), but I don't think he heard me, and I never heard from him again.
Joseph Levy burst onto the Hollywood scene 5 years ago, having produced one of the hottest (hot as in cool, not hot as in Princess Leia in a gold bikini, sickos) short-films ever added to the world of Star Wars fan fic. He rode high on the success of 'George Lucas in Love', all the way to the chair of the Department of Physiology & Pharmacology at the University of the Pacific School of Dentistry. But developing new strategies for the management of acute and chronic pain characteristically seen in dentistry couldn't hold Joe's Falwellesque attention span for long, and so he's back on the entertainment scene, releasing his latest book this May. There's only one-way to describe it: 'My Tummy Hurts'.
References:
(http://www.allbookstores.com/book/0743236068)
(http://www.rottentomatoes.com/p/JosephLevy-1134860/)
(http://www.dental.uop.edu/Research/painControl/Levy.htm)
SCAV 22100
Introduction to MK
(Spring, 2004)
(TTh, 10:30-11:50)
Joseph Anderson (instructor)
Office hours by appointment only.
Syllabus
This course is intended to introduce students to MK through a study of three recent ScavHunts, 2001, 2002, and 211 (there is simply insufficient time to study pre-Judge MK, but students are welcome to choose an example of team member MK for their paper topic). It will focus on his items, leadership, ideology, and underlings rather than on the events that led to his rule. Readings will provide a varied set of approaches to MK criticism.
Students will view both segments from The Hunt and the unused clips, on loan from Periphrastic Films. Screenings will occur Tuesday evenings at the Film Studies Center at 7:00 p.m. Students will be able to view the videos individually at the FSC as long as they are able to discuss the clips in class on Thursday. Annotated ScavHunt lists are on reserve at the Regenstein library.
Students will write a paper (of approximately ten pages) on a topic of their choice. The methodology of these papers can reflect approaches developed in class or can reflect an approach based on each student’s own interests and background in ScavHunt. Students are expected to look at a ScavHunt list without fear, but no judging experience is required.
A class "outing" to ScavHunt 2004 will be arranged, and a five-page written "review" of the proceedings will be required, with an emphasis on MK’s influence and items.
There will be a final examination (date to be assigned by the registrar), but no mid-term.
a.k.a. Darwin of the Underworld
a.k.a. Judge
a.k.a. Mommy (when wearing a tight yellow suit)
Christian is a member of an elite biological research squad, whose job is to follow and to study the subspecies of the human race – those who have passed the final test of evolution and learned to defy death. Using an arsenal of disguises and years of undercover training, Christian roams the streets of Chicago looking to uncover bits of information about the life and rituals of the underworld. Every few months, he sends reports to the squad headquarters, where they get added to the Chronicles, later to be approved by the Elders.
Home base: Field Museum
Training camp: Snell-Hitchcock
Weapon of choice: "Pen is mightier than the sword"
What he will sin for: Starfruit
The Amazing Story of Pharaoh Jessaminhotep!
When you look up "swank" in the OED, a single image is proffered as
exemplar. That image: Ben Golden. Women want him, men want to be him.
GOLDEN! Sippin’ on Hennessy, mackin’ all night long, and shaking the very
firmament with the might of his ghetto blasta. GOLDEN! Arch-Pimp of South
Central, demanding respect from the varied viscounts and barons of the ‘hood
who owe him fealty. GOLDEN! Woe to the playa that tries to front him, for ye
will receive the slapdown of a lifetime. GOLDEN! He’s got his hair slicked
back, his crack a-liz-acked, and his jump jump daddy macked. Don’t hate him
‘cause he’s beautiful, ladies - he’s got no other way to be.
Entertainment
M. Gotmen: A Whirlwind of Success
Wednesday, April 14, 2004 Posted: 10:09 AM EDT (1409 GMT)
Marina Gotmen: a year ago a nobody, today an international success. Springing to the top of our hearts with such instant hits like, "We See Spirits, Yes We Do; We See Spirits, How About You?" and "Oops! I’m Raising the Dead" last July, it is hard now to escape her influence. Her goth-punk, jazz fusion stylings have shaped the way that teens everywhere see and lament the cruel injustices of the world. She graces Pepsi ad campaigns that have old men everywhere standing at attention. Marina’s first album, the self-entitled "Gotmen?", has gone triple platinum. And, rumors have it that this fire cracker is even going to break into Hollywood for a three picture deal. But, how does America feel about her newest and best selling starlet? To find this out, we’ve asked you what you think:
"I think she is too busy getting even more rich to worry about petty things as what people think of her as the sales have been good and although I don't care for her I have to say that "Smells Like Departed Spirits" is pretty catchy." Richard N., CA "Her tour is hilarious. Like all-karaoke night at a redneck Louisiana strip joint, only without the nudity and with miming." Bill C., AR "Am I the only one that thinks she cannot sing? Because she cannot. I'm not saying this because I'm jealous of her or something. I just think she can't sing. She can dance, I'll give that. But she can't sing and she can't act." George B., TX "Marina Gotmen is a disgrace to singers everywhere. She has no singing ability and only sells albums because of her image. It’s a shame to see the music industry not validate true singers." Janet R., FL "Yo, I’m not saying I obsess over Marina. I have all her albums, so what? I check up on Marina to see how she’s gonna present herself next. And, I get so disgusted when people hating on her think like, "Oh, my god, she’s a freaking pervert." It’s a video. The reason I can’t stand some other artists out there is because look at what they’re saying in their music. There’s a little zip and zap in every music. In Marina’s case, it shows up in her videos so let’s let Marina be Marina and don’t let her be anyone else." Connie R., AL "Marina is the best and she does not deserve all the horrid things people say, especially after all the things that have happened to her." Jimmy C., GA "Wasn’t she that extra on Buffy? - you know, Willow’s other lesbian lover who accidentally got staked off stage?"" Ronald R., IL
Marina will be appearing in Goth-A-Palooza at the Chicago Midway from May 6 through May 9. Call TicketMaster, 1-800-551-SEAT, for tickets and further information.
DOCUMENT A: From the Journals of the Necromancer H. Scavianus:
Under a fierce sky that fateful August day in the
Year of our Lord 1578, Sebastian King of Portugal
met the blades of the barbarian moor on the Field
of Three Kings, Alcazarquivir, and 'tis there
that Heathen steel sated itself upon his kingly
life blood, yet not 'til this age hath the
seamless trouth stood reveal'd. Amidst the
devastation of Righteous War, encircl'd about by
foes gory and great, Sebastian made his stand,
and e'er long sharpen'd pointes bore down on his
back. The Most Mystical King sens'd the End
gathering nigh, and did drawe upon Artes Arcane,
and spaketh inhuman wordes unlearn'd among his
Jesuit tutors, lines from The Nameless Book
inscrib'd in characters numbering four and sixty.
Remov'd from his doomed body, his spirit mingl'd
with the stuff of Legend, persisting in
Infectious Self-Moving Rumour, a Living
Superstition. The lost King's subjects murmured
of the vanish'd King's return ne'er did they
suspect that he King crept through these very
wordes from ear to ear.
DOCUMENT B: Declassified Report.
The Sentient Meme-Cluster Coded SEBASTIAN, a
latent psychic substructure within the
population, revived itself when Foreign Agents
implanted a microwave resonator within the brain
of American Covert Operative George Lucas, thus
allowing dormant semiotic organisms to devour his
consciousness. Lucas retained no memory of his
previous life, and was released into civilian
life after a six-month quarantine period. Brain
scans of Lucas reveal that the Sebastian
Cluster's Psionic Frequency induced extensive
microwave legions within the host cortex. It is
speculated that these legions gave rise to the
Star Wars Seed, a vector of widespread psychic
infection by the Sebastian organism. The recent
films The Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones
suggest that Sebastian has abandoned the Lucas
host, whose consciousness now exhibits signs of
rapid dissociation likely stemming from long-term
microwave deformation. Meanwhile, Sebastian has
discovered a compatible consciousness at the
University of Chicago, and walks the streets as a
cloaked figure. It is thought that this
incarnation of the organism is somehow
insinuating its structure into the student
population, but the precise pathway has yet to be
determined.
Born and raised in Kalamazoo, Kaury hails from a small town from a nondescript part of the hand that represents the ‘great’ state of Michigan. I could really only point it out by describing its distance from interesting points. At any rate, Kaury was raised on the childhood beauty pageant circuit, with her parents living fatefully vicariously through her performances. You see, they start them young in pageants in Kalamazoo due to the short period of time between the age when teeth come in, and the time when the permanent ones start to fall out, and Kaury was no exception.
Trained in the art of looking cute and innocent, Kaury learned the value of this deceptive façade during her sabbatical from the tour when her front teeth fell out in second grade. It was during this time that she began dabbling in mischief with the boys in the neighborhood, quickly picking up the recipes that produce powerful chemical agents from common household products. She quickly became bored when she returned to pageantry, and turned to her prior occupations of mayhem backstage. However, with her golden flax, straight teeth, and glistening crown, she was never suspected of wrongdoing in spite of being the sole survivor of three consecutive pageants.
Fast-forwarding to our beloved Hunt, Kaury has capitalized on her deceptive innocence to produce some of the most grotesque items ever conceived. Although Connor is responsible for the trophoblastic tumor, the ever-memorable “Give it back” was hatched from her sick, sick mind. You see, simply disgusting is not enough for our head judge. Perversion by itself is insufficient. She must have both. Know that the only bounds that constrain her designs are set by her fellow judges (which is the only reason teams won’t be participating in an “ookie cookie” competition). A word of advice: Don’t let her caring, maternal disposition deceive you, and never, never, bend over when she’s behind you.
You can probably guess that love is defined by most psychologists as an intense state that displays familiar features: always thinking of the person; wanting to touch and to be together; and expressing one's feelings through poetry, gifts or other ways to delight the beloved (Nozick, 1989). But, did you know being in love is good for your health? Smith and Hukland (1988) found that Danish students who were in love had a higher white blood cell count and had fewer sore throats, colds or after effects of drinking than those not in love. Not surprisingly Karl has the same effect on his social constituents. You must realize that to know Karl is to love Karl. Now, don't you feel more sober? Damnit Karl.
Unit 2X-130001
Date index: 5934204
GPS: 45.3-81.21, 4.2 km outside Flint, MI
Report mode:
Supreme Overlord and Master of Robots Xardox,
Commander unit is pursuing goal of neutralizing all life in the North American block. From time index 5933000 to time index 5934108 operations went according to plan, but then from the burning rubble of the ancient city of Chicago arose a hero to rally the humans. Unit has not personally engaged this human, and most destroyer and passifier units are redered commpletely inoperable upon such encounters. However, the memory records of one scout unit was partially recovered (scout unit was only crushed by 1.2 tons of concrete, and the deroframe black box was able to survive). Restored memory is as follows.
{....scout unit engaged in combat with unknown human....wing units 1-24, 26-134 destroyed....human is in sight....*sckwak*.. lazer sights...unable....*swak*...audio contact...."...can kill us, but you can never beat us! Take this message back to that traitor to his species Xardox, that his old friend Connor....*skrawk*..won't stop until...him defeated.."}
Although Commander unit is programmed with reasoning skills and abillity to decifer and interprit human speech, unit is confused. Most probable explaination is the the phrase 'old friend Connor' is a code, for the literal meaning is illogical. Unit will defer interpritation to Supreme Overlord's infinite intellegence.
To compensate for uprising, Commander unit has dispatched three additional squadrens of destroyers to the great lakes region, but so far the destruction of robots is the only result. Connor seems to pass every level of difficulty presented to him, increasing in skill and gaining materal possessions to assist him. I suggest soon you send in a mini-boss to deal with Connor, and if that fails and even more difficult one, then even this commander unit. Supreme Overlord would not want Connor, after suffiencent preliminary missions, to stow aboard a transport back to Tyranny Island, infultrate Supreme Overlord's citidel, and then fight his way into the Supreme Overlord's inner sanctum, would he? Then this Connor must be dealt with, in effecient robot death manner.
End transmission
"The porn, the photoshopping of the porn. Have you seen a hobbit naked?!"
Hi! My name is Steve. I like numbers. I like money. I like three piece
suits. I made a funny -- my suit has three pieces, that's a number.
Hahaha :) Are you laughing? I need the all the positive reinforcement that I
can get. I'm going to grow up and be a real boy with a real haircut. I think
it is yucky when people give money to charitable organizations. I relate best
most closely to the bankers in Mary Poppins, because I am a tight-fisted son
of a bitch. But his one time I saw Mary Poppins and I identified with the
money-grubbing old codger -- brought so brilliantly to life by the timeless
Dick Van Dyke. I think that is a great name, Dick. All of my favorite people
are named Dick: Dick Nixon, Dick Tracy, Dick Clark, Dick Dickerson (I don't
know him, but with a name like that he has to be amazing!) The most
flattering thing that anyone can call me is "Dick," because I feel that deep
down I'm a Dick. And when someone calls me a dick (which is very easily
confused with Dick) I don't get offended and angry and utilize my Tae-Kwan-Do
skills, which I took up to the green belt level (green is my favorite color,
btw); instead, I just smile and nod and think to myself, "Golly gee, it's good
to be a Dick! Seriously." And how.
Blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blach, blah.