The 2K University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt List

ScavOlympics

(performed on Mother's Day 2000 on the Quad and her environs, unless indicated otherwise)

In honour of our Greek ancestors, since, as we know, we're all descended from the Greeks--hell, even the Gawain-poet goes off on this, and he's, like, from Knights' Ages--we shall begin the Judgment with a medley race. IN BED. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
1. Is that nag Echo still saying my name? Run a lap backwards, staring at yourself in a mirror.
2. Perhaps in disguise Hera will never find me! Next lap? Next runner is dressed as his favourite judge. The runner must yell ``I want to be (this judge) so that I may impregnate Leda!'' All the way around. Should the favourite judge be female, we'll be content with ``I want to be (this judge) so that I may tell Orion to put it back in his pants!'' (Orion having lusted after the totally crush-worthy Artemis.)
3. I detest Troy. Troy is a boil on the toe of humanity. You get the idea. Disparage and denigrate an opposing team creatively while running this lap.
4. At least Sisyphus's rock was a total unit. Yes, now take a lap, carrying no less than $100 in nickels.
5. I can't have stolen Apollo's oxen, for I am but a babe. This time, a teammember must be carried like little Hermes was. Be glad we didn't say ``like baby Dionysos was.''
6. Chronos! Stop eating the baby! During this lap, eat your spawn, which, luckily, have the shape, texture, and appearance of cocktail-weiner sandwiches. Note, however, that though Chronos only had six children, your seed has planted enough sprouts to last the whole lap.
7. Forget it. Run this lap like the Greeks used to run their races.
This is our obligatory The Professional item. You fill up a vessel with an area of at least 2 square metres and with a depth of at least 5 centimetres with milk, and drink it all. No cups, no mugs allowed...the judges can throw cookies at them if the team provides them. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
Never before has boy wanted more. At the captain's meeting, your team must present a teammember for weigh-in, barely clothed. At the end of the ScavOlympics, this teammember will be weighed again. The idea? That teammember better have put on a whole lot of weight. [50 points for the largest weight difference, 25 points for second largest, 10 points for third, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
Le Troisième Fumerama, en Trois Partes. [Points will be given based on speed of reduction of the smokes to butts and on total butts smoked. 50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
1. Acquire a sum of cigarettes deemed ``obscene.''
2. Insert the cigarettes into a single apparatus which either can be constructed, or can just be a person's mouth. The cigarettes must remain intact.
3. Smoke 'em, since you got 'em.
Burm-A-Launch. This is not a stock event. A can of shaving cream--not gel, cream--can be modified in any way to make it propel the cream the farthest of all the teams. The cream is the only substance that may be propelled, so no launching model rockets with whole cans--or even a baggie-full of cream--attached. Only the cream can move along the axis. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
Mud Julius. Your team blends up their team's very own smoothie-type-thing and brings it to the judges on Sunday. You can use anything: anything, that is, you'd be willing to drink yourselves. One person from each team enters a random drawing, and the first person to finish the quart they've drawn wins. The only catch is that you may get your own. So be careful. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
Pelotons. Each team must form a peloton with at least 7 members. The peloton must then take a lap around the ``B-School Quad.'' Points will be given for both largest peloton and fastest finish (that is, the last member of the peloton who crosses's time). If the peloton falls apart, you lose points. Cohesion of the peloton is judged by the judge. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation. 26 bonus points for pulling cyclists from the race around the Midway. 16 bonus points for a row of fans ready with drinks for your Peloton. -10 bonus points for serving coffee. 0 points for road rash]
The Whirling Dervish. A team member from each team spins in place. Competitors not spinning fast enough (as deemed by the judges) will be disqualified. The last competitor to stop spinning wins the competition. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
Teem kaptin speling B. During the Scavolympics, the team captains will gather--each wearing a three-cornered cap--and face each other in a spelling bee. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
It's time to crush some glass and get ready for real high-flying excitement. Your team has to build a kite equipped for battle, and then fly it in our Samurai Battle Kite Battle on Saturday at 5 p.m. Only kites may contact other kites. No kiteflyers contacting other kiteflyers. A charming way to spend a Saturday afternoon, this Battle rewards the last kite left standing. All battlers, additionally, must remain on the same patch of the Midway during their battling. In case of inclement weather, suck it up. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
ScavPong. At http://scavhunt.uchicago.edu/pong, we have a pong game for you. Play it. [70 points for the first team to reach a play time of over 36 hours. 50 points for the second, 20 points for the third, and 2 points for all teams that reach 10 hours]
A slowing comes across the sky. Build an item that can fly unassisted and enter it in our race. The last item to cross the finish line is the winner, just like in golf. [ 50 points for last place, 25 points for penultimate place, 10 points for antepenultimate place, and 2 points for getting something in the air]
AssRace. A race across some sod on the Quad. Each team may enter one contestant who has to cross a section of the Quad-sod with only their ass touching the ground (this includes body parts touching via clothing, shoes, etc.). Other members of the team can help, but they cannot be on the grass. The ass, itself, can only make contact with the Quad-sod via either bare, sweet, naked assness, or the most negligible of cloth covering, to maintain a sweet sense of decency, or rather, of bare, sweet, naked assness. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
Sexadecimal fizz-buzz. Each team fields one counter, who joins the other teams in counting up, in sexadecimal. But in this version, numbers that are multiples of 5 (base-10) are said as ``fizz'' and numbers that are multiples of 7 (base-10) are said as ``buzz.'' If you miss a number, miscount, or whatever, then you sit. Full of shame. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
Hit me baby one more time! Britney Spears is, luckily, on your team. So is Christina Aguilera. While singing, and slinging Jell-O, they will show who, truly, deserves the Golden Mouseketeer Ears. That earlier part, about the slinging of Jell-O, must happen. We will determine superior performances based upon the following criteria: similarity in appearance, demeanour, and singing ability to each super star, eagerness with which each star tries to dim the other (with, again, Jell-O), and, on top of everything, incorporation of simultaneous dance sequences and musically timed finishing moves. [50 points for first place, 25 points for second place, 10 points for third place, and 2 points for good-faith participation]
We close the ScavOlympics with a chance for your team's chef's skills to be celebrated forever. Your chef, dressed in a manner befitting an Iron Chef, will compete with the other teams' chefs to create a series of dishes that best exemplifies our theme ingredient. The ingredient will be released at 10 a.m. The preparation will occur on the Quad, so bring your Colemans along. Tasting, by a special panel of judges which includes a fortune teller, will begin at noon. [150 points for first place, 100 points for second place, 75 points for third place, and 20 points for good-faith participation. 200 bonus points if you get Ming Tsai, Emeril Lagasse, Mario Batali, or Bobby Flay to be a guest judge. -200 points if Bobby brings along Jacqui. 60 bonus points if Bobby jumps on top of a table and starts to chant ``USA! USA! USA!'' 34 bonus points if you get any of these guest judges to actually be your team's designated challenger chef. 30 bonus points if you create identifiably Portuguese dishes, and 20 extra bonus points if you have Emeril gush over them, saying they're just like the kind his mother used to make back in ``Fa' Hreevuh.'' 13 bonus points if you create a hot meal without using a stove or anything involving plugs or fire. 90 bonus points if you can present Emeril stone cold sober. 35 bonus points if Chairman Kaga sues us for defamation of character, and 50 extra bonus points if he appears in person. 20 bonus points if Chairman Kaga finishes declaring his summons with a rendition of ``What Have I Done'' from Les Misérables, and 50 extra bonus points if he closes with a few lines from ``Castle on a Cloud.'']

Items

Convince WHPK to air, during the afternoon or evening, your show, ``Our Team Brings you the *NSYNC Hour.'' Play only teenaged boy bands. Playing Anotha' Bad Creation is pushing it. Playing your team's ``ScavHunt Mambos Nos. 1-4'' (from Item ) is even better. [88.5/2 points]
Who was the boss: Tony or Angela? Support your answer in a 5 page essay, to be published on the ScavHunt website. Papers are due by 10 a.m. Friday morning. Papers will be graded on persuasiveness and coherency of argument, writing style, and judge's personal bias. [13 points]
TBA.
Galactoborico from Greektown. Item to be disposed of at judges' discretion. [15 points]
Royalty. [2 points]
Throbin must be crowned Chick of the Night at America's Original Sports Bar. If Throbin cannot win, then we need photos showing that Throbin tried. [90 points. 26 points for just a measly attempt]
Slice a banana before peeling it without destroying the peel or banana. [8 points]
A complete reënactment of Britney Spears' ``Crazy'' video, complete with handstanding dancers and a Melissa Joan Hart look alike. Must be the ``Stop'' remix. [28, no, 36 points]
Have the judges play a game of Ancient Art of War. [8 points]
Peanuts, Mr. Bond? In honour of feasting, the judges invite you to participate in the MI6 pot-luck dinner on Saturday. For every Bond movie (no, Casino Royale doesn't count, dipshit) present a dish that incorporates the theme of the movie, be it betrayal, voodoo, or Pussy Galore. Teams will be assigned the movies for which they'll have to cook during the Captains' meeting. Two portions per dish, presented during the Samurai Battle Kite Battle. [35 points]
What is inscribed on Gerald Ford's irons? [6 points]
That yellow Testarossa we saw in front of the Florian in March. [63 points]
Enrage as many RSOs as possible. [2 points given per public outrage and denoucment of your team. 15 bonus points for demanding of expulsion published in a campus newspaper. 30 bonus points for convincing protests in the streets]
According to Caetano Veloso (and Os Mutantes), what's written on his shirt? [6 points]
Throbin, in a Dairy Queen polo shirt, at Judgment. [14 points]
Your team is riding the boyband wave into certain wealth. On Thursday night at 8 p.m. in the C-Shop, your band, dressed appropriately and pre-choreographed, will perform their chart-topping single, ``ScavHunt Mambos Nos. 1-4.'' This is not an opportunity to do an MTV-esque ``satire'' of boybands. This is an opportunity to be insightful, entertaining, concise, and hot. For starters, while The Bloodhound Gang has a good idea with monkey suit uniforms, you may want to reach higher (while still, natch, incorporating the monkey suit uniforms). [107 points maximum]
A letter, on Cornell University stationary, from President-Elect Tony Randall, officially endorsing your Scavenger Hunt team. [8 points]
A working model of The Ultimate Nullifier. [2 points]
If you have ghosts, you call Ghostbusters. But who do you call if you have chimpanzee acne or moose bumps? What's the telephone number? Will it cost a lot? [2 points]
Present us with the most ridiculous cassette you found and bought at a truckstop during the road trip. [6.95 points]
A can of Beverley. [10 points. 10 bonus points for drinking it]
Spray on hair. [6 points. 12 bonus points if this item is presented by a man in white, singing the ``Thong Song.'' 82 extra bonus points if the man is Sisqó. 31 bonus points if he ``unleashes the Dragon'']
Photos of Batdude and Throbin both on the Cottage Grove and in Cottage Grove. [6 points]
Prove that a U of C diploma has the absorbing power of Brawny Brand paper towels. [75 points]
That cool Hot Wheels computer. [9 points]
Quantas primaveras tiene Montse? [3 points]
Split a map of the USA into Flavour Country and Jesus Country. [4 points]
A Cat in a Hat. A Hepcat in a Hat. Hello Kitty's Vitties, and a signed affidavit from Sanrio giving your team exclusive marketing rights on Badtz Maru themed bondage clamps. And we do want to see the clamps used on someone. [19 points]
Erotic ice sculptures showing conclusively that the angle of the dangle is proportional to the heat of the meat. [50 points]
What sponsor does the University of Chicago share with the current site of the historical Queen Bee Mill? [10 points]
scavhuntbylaws.tex. It must compile on harper.uchicago.edu. It also must be emailed to the judges by noon, Saturday. The Word version, with guidelines for formatting, is available at http://scavhunt.uchicago.edu/scavbylaws.doc. [26 points]
In 1999, the Minnehaha County Historical Society erected a giant phallus called ``The Pioneer Memorial.'' How many rows of bricks tall is it? [26 points]
Send to the Judges by regular (non-registered) mail a five dollar bill in a ``window'' envelope (of Regenstein fame, so the bill is plainly visible). Points awarded only if letter is delivered to the judges in good to excellent condition, as determined by official United States Postal Service guidelines (teams will be responsible for demonstrating good to excellent condition to judges; certification in person by an employee of the United States Postal Service, clothed in official United States Postal Service attire, will be accepted as sufficient proof of letter condition). [35 points. 20 bonus points if, upon certification of letter condition, the employee of the United States Postal Service takes a judge for a tire-pealing ride around the Midway Plaisance in an official United States Postal Service delivery vehicle]
Garbage Pail Kids cards. (First series only, punks) [10 points per card; 50 points maximum. 10 bonus points for ``Adam Bomb'']
Pose in front of the birthplace of Marion Robert Morrison with at least ten identifiable locals. [24 points]
A-V Slideshow entitled ``First-Year President Orientation.'' Make sure to tailor it (by including references to) our incoming First-Year President, Tony Randall. [15 points]
We'll get back to you with this one.
The Bible says something about the tall Tower of Babel that led to babble. Make your own, using only compact discs and jewel cases. No adhesives--just love. And CDs. [62 points]
A box of Honey Nut Beerios. [7 points]
A motel receipt alluding to one very ``adult'' evening. [25 points. 6.9 bonus points if the motel is on Cicero Ave.]
Make Dialogo cast the shadow of a hammer and sickle. [50 points]
Firepie. [7 points]
What do Bill Belichick, Humphrey Bogart, and Ming Tsai have in common? [5 points]
A ``Hooray for Tony Randall, Our New Prez!'' poster, measuring at least 4 square metres, to hang from a window in the Admin building. This item must be judged during a weekday. [24 points]
A ``Where are you Herb?'' button. [4 points]
A Prince Albert or two ampalangs. [8 points]
A barbershop quartet, wearing only straw boater hats. [20 points]
A letter from Dr. Alan R. Hirsch on official letterhead of the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation testifying that ARA food ``smells--and tastes--like ass.'' [16 points]
Subvertise, bring us pictures. [6 points]
Reënact any torture depicted in ``Method Man.'' [4 points]
Lucy Van Pelt funnel cakes. [5 points]
Emily, in the Upper East Side (E402), has the University of Chicago Scavenger Hunt Code Word on Thursday night. Loosen her up a bit for it. Batdude, by the way, has to ask; she was very insistent. [22 points]
Rocket 00000. The rocket has to be convincing (read: huge (read: to spec, between 1:2 and 1:1--look it up if you don't know the details)) and strong enough to house your own Gottfried, dressed, of course, in Imipolex-G. If you can't get a Gottfried, get a Katje or a Bianca. [389 points. 15 bonus points for a ``facsimile'' of a newspaper being read by your Blicero as he launches the rocket, detailing the date of launch. For 45 bonus points, get a Bianca in addition to a Gottfried. 20 more bonus points if both the rocket and she are ``to spec,'' natürlich]
While on the topic of Rocket 00000... fuck it. Bring in an Ilse, too, complete with a drawing of where she wants to live with her father cum lover. [34 points]
Schoeps mics. Two will do. [22 points]
A proper family tree of the Veen family, that includes both social and biological parentage. [16 points. 8 bonus points if you can prove that you cried when the Lucinda threw herself off the ocean liner]
Lego my Padme. (Note: not the figurine. We want life-size.) [75 points. 15 bonus points if you provide a sufficiently excited Zach, the Padme Lego Maniac]
In a photo: On the left, Batdude. On the right, Throbin. In the middle, a buena vista of a Buena Vista Beaver. [19 points]
An indoor stadium blimp, to deliver a stadium-sized cup of Bud Light to a judge from a starting point fifty feet away. Points awarded for speed, accuracy of delivery, and--most important--for not spilling a single drop. [49 points maximum]
Ralph Currell's card model of an A4 rocket. Include test markings. [19 points]
In Mallrats, Brodie and Rene have sex in the elevator. Batdude and Throbin, then, should as well, in the exact same elevator. They can conceal their magic bits with copies of the mall's store directory. [69 points]
What town is ``Small in size, but on the rise''? [4 points]
Polyglot Porn. [6 points per language; 96 points maximum. 60 bonus points if it's video and it involves Momus.]
A passenger vehicle that does not have a factory-installed odometer measuring in miles. [26 points]
A photo of Batdude, at America's Number One Tourist Destination, surrounded by no fewer than 20 blonde teenaged girls. [29 points. -10 bonus points if the photo is in front of Claire's, Old Navy, or a photo booth, natch. 16 bonus points if everyone in the photo is wet from ``the flume ride'']
According to the Mall Wall of Fame, if Halle Berry turned around, what would she be doing? [7 points]
Shakespearean Action Figures, fighting PowerPuff Girl Action Figures. Bubbles had better be as cute in plastic as she is onscreen. [20 points]
The sash indicating membership in the Akademinio Skautu Sajudis. [25 points]
A Barça jersey. [19 points. 2 bonus points if it's Rivaldo's. 15 extra bonus points if there's a CBF jersey on top which is removed to show the Barça jersey underneath]
The picture in the facebook that launched a thousand crushes. Find this photo, then blow it up to poster size, and be prepared to properly explain to the judge how the photo launched, you know, a thousand crushes. [10 points]
Using only eyeglasses, set fire to a piece of paper. [40 points]
Prove conclusively, and in the flesh, that ``cuffs and collar don't match.'' [8 points]
...light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. [10 points. 3 bonus points for the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth]
The expressed, written consent of Major League Baseball [15 points. 10 bonus points if it's on Gene Budig's stationery. (Hee hee, we said Budig)]
The following people attend schools within about an hour of Chicago and yet we haven't seen them in a while. In fact, we've lost touch with most of them. Find them for us, and bring them to the judging. 1) James Pastore 2) Barry LeBron 3) David Van den Berg 4) Michelle Grotto [3 points per person]
100 University time cards arranged into a 10-page booklet [50 points. 20 bonus points if at least 50 are from the same pay period; 8 extra bonus points if they are not UofC time cards]
Bring in Toni Preckwinkle. Have her dunk. [15 points]
An Imus in the Morning Bobble-head doll. [40 points. 10 bonus points if you also present Momus's Head-bobbling doll]
According to the mileage at the Super America on Golf Road, how far is it to: Boston? Miahammi? Rhinelander, WI? [11 points. 12 bonus for the population of Rhinelander. 2 extra bonus for the actual mileage chart]
A ``This Area for Players Only'' sign from a casino. [21 points]
A takeout menu from a Chinese restaurant in as many different towns in Iowa as possible. [4 points per menu, 100 points maximum]
``The world of soil is a rich and tiny habitat for amazing creatures.'' ScavHunt judges know this because they had two years of science under the old core. Refresh our memories and show that the new core isn't at all watered down: take your judge on an Underground Adventure, and no subways. [20 points. 100 bonus points if you bring along a Mobile Unit]
At 10 p.m. on Thursday night, your team name must be on the high score list for the basketball game at the ESPNZone in Chicago. [60 points. 186 bonus points if it also appears on the BottomLine during SportsCenter on Thursday night]
What 1948 event allegedly motivated Supreme Court Justice Thurgood Marshall to get real drunk, and why? [8 points]
In the World War, Storm Lake lost which member of the Taylor family? [6 points]
The one man to log 3000 hours walking at the Fall of America. [5 points]
At the Citgo in Rock Valley, what's the Rocket (00000)'s advice? [10 points]
According to the Minnesota Institute of the Arts's honor roll, Mr. and Mrs. Carl W. Jones are . [6 points]
A receipt indicating that Gary bought a gun from you at Gary's Gun Shop on 41st St. [35 points]
How does one get elected to The Doodle's Wall of Fame? What is the current overall record and when was it set? [4 points]
Buy and return stuff at Walmart between the hours of noon and 2 p.m. on Saturday. [3 points per receipt; 300 points maximum. 20 bonus points given for different Walmarts]
Blue.
1. I have a blue house with a blue window. [5 points]
2. Blue is the color of all that I wear. [2 points]
3. Blue are the streets and all the trees are blue. [7 points]
4. I have a girlfriend, and she is so blue. [9 points]
5. Blue are the people here that walk around, [11 points]
6. blue like my Corvette that's sitting outside. [126 points]
7. Blue are the words I say and what I think. [3 points]
8. Blue are the feelings that live inside me. [0 points--we don't give a fuck]
A picture of the Special Commemorative Millennium Edition Ho-Chunk Batdude, in a Ho-Chunk wheelchair, in a Ho-Chunk bathroom with Ho-Chunk gamblers of both Ho-Chunk genders. [60 points]
Offensive Art. [5 points. 15 bonus points for getting publicly display, 40 bonus points for public funding, and 100 bonus points for publicly denouncing by a maniac mayor hung up on characterising dissenters as mentally ill]
Every Phantom Menace character on a Pepsi bottle. [13 points]
The Light of Ybor. [8 points]
A big ol' rubber band ball. [5 points]
Why might a student in the College wear a shirt that reads: [2 points]

EHGK
PÖCR
Northwestern
A human Popple. [89 points. 12 bonus for a human Potato Chip]
Messed up quarters. [.25 points per quarter; 5 points maximum. .76 bonus points per drummer boy--drummers, being, of course, fucking messed up, dude]
A receipt from Bongard's Cheese. [12 points]
Building code violation citations against K & G Management. [10 points per citation; 50 points maximum]
Port MS-DOS to a non-Intel machine. It must be able to read our 3 1/2-inch floppy. Teams may collaborate and share points. [123 points]
What are the effects of each color in a prismatic sphere? [3 points]
Create a meal that breaks as many religions' rules as possible. Provide textual evidence of the rules, and we mean primary sources. [7 points per religion]
One adult-sized Sit'n'Spin. [13 points]
A congealed crayon wax sculpture of Ted Cohen. [25 points]
Solve a Rubik's cube during the course of this page's judging. Judges will scramble the cube for you at the start of judging. Hint: ``Rubik's cube is simply a finite state machine and accepts a language like any other such machine.'' [35 points]
An old hard drive. [points = volume(in $^{3}$ )/capacity(MB)]
We always thought that one could never have too fragmented a Student Government. So now that we have a College Council and a Graduate Council, we want a ScavHunt Council. Make it so. [18 points]
Indicate, by photo, that, at least according to the marble engraving in Oma, ha, that University of Chicago President Tony Randall is the 43rd President of the United States (include the proper native state). [12 points]
A real pumpkin. [15 points]
Chicago Fire championship ring. [9 points]
8 ft. of beef. [5 points]
Anti-Gravity boots. [points awarded on the amount of time, in seconds, that the boots stay in the air, divided by 2; 80 points maximum]
A pre-FORTRAN, post-von Neumann architecture digital computer (sorry, no comptometers). [2 $^{8}$ points. 2 $^{4}$ bonus points if the unit utilizes magnetic drum memory]
A pack of cigarettes bought in Chicago for less than $2. Include the receipt, please. [8 points]
Log into harper.uchicago.edu from an i-rule.net computer. [19 points]
Campy Batdude should cruise the Camp Cruisers. Provide evidence of success. [30 points for a photo. 15 bonus points for Campleader Snoopy getting cruised, too. 26 bonus points for a Camp Cruisers uniform given as a token of love, presented at Judgment. 28 bonus points for a Camp Cruisers instrument]
School newspapers from as many different Big Ten schools as possible. Print versions, only. [11 points per paper]
We cut the ER item. Fuck the ER item. [ points]
Have I. Ron Butterfly's ``In The Garden of Eden'' played on the organ at Bond Chapel. [40 points. 40 bonus points for a contemporaneous service of either ``Christian, Jewish, or Miscellaneous'' services]
Tony Randall, the new President of the University of Chicago, has fans far and wide. Include a photo of the banner which reads ``Hooray for Tony Randall, our new prez!,'' hanging from the Weisman Art Museum. Your photo must be taken from the side of the Mississippi River whose radio stations begin with ``K.'' [50 points]
For extra points, include a photo of the same banner in a shot with the BVU bell. [30 points]
One Popemobile. Built to scale. [10 points]
Get us the ball that dropped in Times Square this past New Year's Eve. [89 points. Alternatively, and for 25 points, build us one]
A working beta vcr, with tape. The tape must be Tron, natch. [48 points]
A lit candle for every day Jimmy's was closed. [35 points]
A photograph that proves that Linneus has finally blossomed into womanhood. [7 points]
What is the last word uttered in the video ``Wells Dairy, A Retrospective View''? And, according to ``History of Ice Cream,'' how much of an ice cream tab did George Washington once run up? [10 points]
Lyrics that are gonna make you call the cops. [4 points]
A Bassmaster. [6 points]
An Assmaster. [7 points]
Present us with the commercial ``Everybody in Maroon,'' made for the Gap. Music is required. [20 points]
Venture capital committed to your team's success. [10 points for each $100,000, up to $1,000,000]
One working Intellivision. [25 points. 10 bonus points for Tron, natch]
Strip a car in under 5 minutes. The car then has to be reassembled and taken from the premises. By you. [36 points]
A bald member of your roadtrip posing in front of four bald state capitols. [12 points per capitol. 50 bonus if he or she is accompanied by a bald governor. 40 bonus points if the member stunners the governor]
Each team must submit a teammember to participate in a lab practical. Details will be announced during the Captains' Meeting.
List the flags at what seems to be the United Nations Headquarters in Canton, SD. It's actually the Behr building, but, well, clockwise, starting with the US flag: [9 points]
Present Paul Vallas, our new Provost. [40 points. 75 bonus points if he is accompanied by Tony Randall, our new President]
``Meet Your Scavvy Match!'' At the presentation of Item , each team will submit a videocassette featuring at least two (one male, one female) quick video-personals of at least one-minute in length. Each personal should include a description of what the person is like, and what kind of person he or she is seeking. Please be explicit, engaging, and don't make us laugh. [30 points]
A bicycle with a sidecar that shoots off to chase after those Mobile Armored Strike Kommand goody-goodies. [55 points. 10 bonus points if the cyclist is dressed like Sly Rax]
Revlon's newest colors for spring: Vomit Vixen and Spooge Spark. [4 points]
Play jumprope using staples. [7 points]
Convince the judge to take off his or her pants. [7 points. -10 bonus points if Tom Howe takes off his pants]
Anton Vowl, facing abduction, had a scrap on which was drawn a song (and all of its stanzas), known colloquially as ``that `O Say Can You' song's big rival for this nation's main patriotic hymn.'' You know, that song with lots of ``our country has fabulous land'' stuff. Hand us a copy of this scrap during our Captains' Summit at 7 a.m. You will also sing that hymn. Music optional. [21 points]
A rubbing of the sine wave at the Sioux Falls sundial. Include the sun. [15 points]
Wheel of Fish. [62/9 points]
Convince pigeons to memorialize Charles Schulz. [42 points]
Portrait pranks: a portrait of your team stealing Hanna Gray, and a portrait of your portrait of Hugo Sonnenschein hanging in Hutch. [45 points]
Each item made from the May issue of Martha Stewart's Living. And, just like Ms. Stewart, they had better look as good as in the pictures. [39 points]
Who signed, along with Geoff Fischer, the guestbook at John ``Relation'' Wayne's birthplace? [9 points]
A scale model of your team's design for the newest B-School building, in the International style of your choice. Must include Bat-Cave, trap doors, a Filthy Lucre Room, and ample underground parking for low-end BMWs and the occasional Lexus. [18 points]
What four breakfast sauces are at the table at Jar Mel's on Minnesota Ave.? [4 points]
Tank treads. Real ones. [48 points. 30 bonus points for the No Limit Tank's treads]
The College Store should sell University of Chicago clothing. Convince the manager and take a photo of the new display of Maroons' apparel. [15 points]
Write a three-minute original oratory and have Mike Kolodziej from the location of Lucas--i.e., the Dump on the Hump--rank you. [10 points]
Who from the University of Chicago signed the guestbook at the St. Croix Travel Information Center? [6 points]
Sassafras. (This item to be disposed of at the judges' discretion) [8 points]
A stuffed marine mammal. Size matters. [7 points]
A recreation of Louise Nevelson's Silent Music VII. Half a metre tall, minimum. Have Throbin phone in the details. [43 points]
Debt. Massive, Massive Debt. [13 points. 31 bonus points if the creditor's name involves either ``Adult'' or ``Pleasure'']
Declare the U of C a national disaster area and apply to receive federal funding. [5 points]
Buy some airplane nose art at the World's Largest Truckstop. [7 points per art; 35 points maximum]
Baby pictures of the judges. [5 points per judge. 20 bonus points for getting a photo of every judge]
A multimedia shrine to Sweetness, decorated with as much Bears Superbowl memorabilia as possible. [34 points]
Bienvenido a Mia Hammi. [4 points]
Show porn at Max Palevsky. [18 points. 10 bonus points for Deep Throat or a movie involving Momus.]
4th year with a 4.0 average in a ``real'' concentration. Transcripts only. [19 points]
A full-sized street cleaner circling the inner circle of the Quads. Or, if that doesn't work, a full-sized monkey on a bicycle circling the inner circle of the Quads. [150 points. 20 bonus points if the monkey has a metal plate in his head. 52 bonus points if you get both the cleaner and the monkey, and they race like Mad Max escaping the Thunderdome]
Leningrad : St. Petersburg :: Gay Head : ? [4 points]
Tomacco, 1 unit. [7 points]
What does the monkey hate? [2 points]
Sioux Falls. Help her get up. [1 point]
Points for money I: Down with the High Capitalism of the Early 21st Century! Points awarded according to the formula where points $= \frac{69(10)}{x-42.0(4)}(x^{-69} + 69) -69$ . Please provide an itemised, notarized budget, along with all receipts. Anything questionable will be audited by the head judge and your captain during the remainder of the hunt, so no cheating. (Note: no more than 1/4 of your team's points can come from this item.)
Points for money II: Up with the NASDAQ! Here is $500,000 in money to invest in the stock market. Log in at http://www.virtualstockexchange.com. For ID, use ``UofCScavHunt.'' The password is, of course, ``TonyRandall.'' Make as much money as you can.
A Tootsie Roll weighing no less than 10 pounds. [25 points. 30 bonus points if the roll is consumed by the end of this page's judging]
A millennium clock that is still counting down to the year 2000. [2 points]
A giant novelty check made out to President-Elect of the University of Chicago Tony Randall, redeemable at The Nile. [2 points]
Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. [4 points]
Smurf Balls. The toy. And no ``I like playing with these'' excuses. [15 points]
Like our Soc papers, we'll worry about this one at the last minute.
Please, rebroadcast Sifl-N-Olly. [5 points]
Menhir, 1. [25 points]
Munroe. [10 points]
Board of Health inspection reports for Harold's Chicken Shack from 1998, or for Salonica Restaurant from 1999. [4 points]
We need a full-sized replica of one of the new dorm rooms. Include the drab paint scheme and then erect your beauty on the Quads. Feature student living in there during daylight hours on Friday. [100 points. 25 bonus points for phone and ethernet lines. 32 extra bonus points for dormcest]
Cartier, Poitier. [2 points]
A Tickle me Elmo, a Furby, a TurboMan, a Cabbage Patch Kid (with adoption ``papers''), and whatever toy is going to be all the rage this Christmas, like those Sony cats. [6 points per toy]
Billy Dee Colt .45 promo materials. [6 points per item; 36 points maximum]
The Athletic Department's missing Phoenix costume. [43 points]
Computerized data selections from the Greycapper. [7 points]
A hat made entirely out of Zest boxes (a soapbox derby). [10 points]
Batdude and Throbin, drinking beers with Mystic Lake Casino guards from Ho-Chunk change cups. A photo will do. [26 points]
Photographic evidence of attending a fraternity party as many Big Ten Schools as possible. Your teammember must be dressed in University of Chicago clothing. The photo must include proof that you are at the right school. [2(11) points per school. 5 bonus points per school for Batdude or Throbin's presence in the photo]
A styrofoam effigy of Hugo, 1.34 metres tall, minimum, to be paraded and then dissolved by reasonably strong mace spray. [51 points]
``Straight Outta Koszalin,'' featuring the malcontent youth of the former East Bloc. Required: hoopty soviet-mobile, ``pouring one out for my comrade,'' improper use of a kielbasa, and sassy devotchkas. [55 points]
Bryan Joiner's speeding ticket's court date is May 12. Show up to protest it, and return with the issuing officer's badge number. More details will be available at the Captains' Meeting [55 points]
Present a photo of your team breaking glass in front of Austin's steakhouse in Oma, ha! [5 points. 5 bonus points if you can tell us why we would ask you to do this]
Labas, Lisa Labuz. [5 points]
A literary cannon, literally. [4 points]
Matlock. [250 points. 50 bonus points if this is ``against'' his will. 25 bonus points for his medication. 120 points if he's dead]
The Scavenger Hunt, in honour of the High Capitalism of the Early 21st Century (only partially related to the High Capitalism of the Early 21st Century mentioned in Item ), is all about making money. Thus, bring vendors. We want girl scouts peddling cookies (and, um, ``Brownies''), we want cotton candy, churros, and hippies selling ``bitchin' glass bowls'' as well as ``kind veggie burritos.'' Throw in a few Streetwise vendors, a few guys from the Red Line hawking tube socks and batteries, and, most importantly, a Dippin' Dots vendor. [200 points maximum]
A CPD APB on an MC Killer. Audio tape will suffice; paper would be better. [10 points. 15 bonus points if somewhere on the APB it's mentioned that it was the work of the master]
This is our Who Wants to be a Millionaire item: A videotape of and source information for the Wu-produced and -directed St. Ides malt liquor commercial. [31 points]
Email judges@scavhunt.uchicago.edu from a gateway.com address. [23 points]
We can't even remember if we went to Ronald Reagan's birthplace. Pick us up something to jog our memories. [10 points]
Non-menthol Newports. One pack. [7 points]
Hugo scrap-book. [2 points]
55408. From this ZIP code, sent the judges a postcard (the postage must be metered). [18 points]
Wheaton College Crusader Memorabillia. [18 points]
That guy who always juggles on the quads must juggle. Now. [7 points]
The misaligned Hubble Mirror. [39 points]
Batdude must win the Big Ass Burger Challenge at State Street Brats. [99 points. 45 bonus points if he wins a State Street Brats Special Ale tapper, too]
Ain't No Party Like A Big Ten Party. We were in the Big Ten once, now let's pretend we are again. The football team just won their final game to guarantee a trip to the Rose Bowl. You and your team decide to celebrate by having, of course, a Theme Party. The Theme? Team Name! (Silly!) Here are the basic rules: Your team should arrive in costume, with vehicles, music (incorporating, obviously, the ScavHunt Theme), and other necessities of having a good time, including, but not limited to, for example, an inflatable pool filled with some sort of substance that pertains to your team. Friday Night, on the Quads. Make it good. No bonfires or lye dunking booths; we said Big Ten, not Big Twelve. [286 points maximum]
Mariah, mariah, pants on fire (BE SAFE!). [2 points]
How many teeth does Bob Feller have in his brick mural at his birthplace? [7 points, because 7 is the correct answer]
A receipt on your road trip timed at 4:20, for every 4:20 between 4:20 p.m. May 11 and 4:20 a.m. May 14. [12 points per receipt reading 4:20 on the nose. 5 points for within 7 minutes, on either side]
A matchbox car that says ``Made in England'' on it. [12 points]
At judging, tip a Cow on Parade. [89 points]
Those damn 2000 glasses. Get your whole team wearing them. [1 point per pair of glasses]
The True Monster of the Midway. Choose a classic monster (Godzilla, Patrick Bateman, King Kong) and construct him in monstrous size on the Midway, or, rather, the Quad. Size counts both in height and footprint. We want something sturdy (more ``I want this in my statuary'' than ``I want this in my bullshit collection of cardboard cutouts''), and no inflatable-monkeys that you rented from a car dealership. Don't embarrass yourself with something not even 8 metres tall. [350 points]
How much is a Coke at the vending machine behind the Gateway factory? [5 points]
A copy of Ravelstein, bearing a favorable inscription from Nathan Tarcov. [8 points. 150 bonus points if you bring Tarcov to write the inscription in person]
An Antennaudio guide for ``The Magic of Myth.'' [65 points]
While judging this page, the judge must receive a booty call. [8 points]
Find the game barrel o' monkeys, and beat your judge at it. [10 points]
Some how some way, come up with funky-ass shit like every single day. Funky-ass shit is due each morning in front of Cobb at 10, except on Sunday, when funky-ass shit can be presented at Judgment. [7 points per day]
During the judging of this page, spontaneously break out into song and dance. We want tap-dancing, catchy lyrics, and flashy pyrotechnics. [5 points]
Malibu Stacy's Dream Crack House. [16 points]
In the fourth president, sit on the sixteenth president's lap. Provide photo. [6 points]
A photo of your roadtrip team heading on a road that is the east route for one highway and the west route for another. [15 points]
Put your own impression on a souvenir penny. [45 points. 10 bonus points if said penny belongs to somebody actually named Penny. Note: ``Anfernee'' is not close enough]
SCAV@Home. You must form a group in the clubs group of computers dedicated to finding aliens. The group name must be your team name. At the end of judgment, the team with the most work units completed wins the day. Additionally, you must incorporate your team's web page into the entry with SETI@Home. [60 points for leading the ScavHunt, 30 for being in second, and 15 for being in third. 22 bonus points if your team finds ETI]
Commemorate the ScavHunt with commemorative coins. Provide either a complete set of the new millennium Canadian coins (with display board and 1999 Nunavut twonie) or an implied complete set of US entry-into-the-Union quarters. If you go for the latter, include designs for the states that were, um, ``readmitted'' to the Union in 1865. Every spot in your USA display board has to be filled with a metal quarter. [48 points. 20 bonus points for a Sacajawea fringe on the mounting board]
Stars from the short-lived Fox Documentary ``Yearbook'' [142 points]
The Crocodile Hunter should stalk the other teams' monsters (from Item ). But his gnarled hands will prevent him from catching them. [11 points]
Nuns. Ain't nothin' wrong with that. [8 points per nun; 24 points maximum. Points awarded only for actual sisters, not for half-sisters]
Marguciai or Pysanky. [18 points per dozen; 46 points maximum]
Someone who has got it on with Moby, Momus, Mo Vaughn, or Moe the Dog. [2 points]
Do it like they do on the Discovery Channel. [3 points]
Ron the Piper. [4 points. -6 bonus points if he farts]
We all hate to see I-house go, but if they're really going to do away with it, they should replace it with something useful. Believe me, B-School Housing is not useful, but Waffle House is. [11 points]
A marriage proposal from an undergrad to a professor, the ``yes I said yes I will Yes'' from the professor to the undergrad, and the ``we're getting married'' hookup session that follows between the professor and the undergrad. [28 points. 5 bonus points for tenure, 10 bonus points for a named professor, 15 bonus points for an Undergraduate Chair. Want it, love it, feel it]
Make us a winter wonderland. At least 9 square metres. Include a snowman, tree, and, most importantly, a snowball fight. By the way, points awarded only for real snow. [60 points]
Smack it up, flip it, and rub it down. [8 points]
A giant glue trap complete with a team member from a rival team. [30 points]
Get noticed by a judge at the game against the Twins on Saturday. [80 points]
A team member with three nipples. [3! points]
At least two ``90210 Watch''ers. [10 points per watcher (1 point per season, dude!)]
Respect my fucking authori-tay! [3 points]
A sealed bottle of Stolichnaya Vodka that reads ``Imported from the USSR'' instead of ``Imported from Russia.'' [30 points]
One Chinatown-acquired crotch picture frame. [7 points]
A rubbing of Buena Vista University's stirring poem ``Come Walk With Me.'' [13 points]
Give. Friday, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., Ida Noyes Hall. [25 points per teammember going under; 500 points maximum]
Hot Guys, Hungry Women, Man Stew. [7 points]
Tintin et l'Alph-Art. [32 points]
If you know the right people, you can sit anywhere. Prove that a teammember (not necessarily Batdude or Throbin) has perched in Harmon Killebrew's seat above ``the flume ride.'' [110 points]
Larry Barnes, in person, to approve your team's mortgage request. This must be followed by Erik A. Martin's getting you out of debt. [53 points]
Cubans. [3 points]
The Fighting Cock. [6 points]
A Saskatchewanian. [11 points]
Drop-kick the chalupa. [4 points]
J.Z. Smith in a lawn chair on the Quads, drinking MGD; what else? [20 points]
``Date Your Scavvy Match!'' The judges, quick to perceive and quicker to act, will have found your team's personal's matches on the other teams (as indicated in Item ). Each couple must, then, go on a date Friday night that is videotaped by one of the teams (videotape and receipts [for proof, not reimbursement] must be turned in Saturday evening. The teams are responsible to decide between themselves who has to tape). Both teams get full points for the tape and date, which must include dinner, some sort of entertainment, and then extracurricular activity. Points will be given based on creative extension of the date's ground rules, and on the creative conclusion. The videotape should serve as a highlight reel only--no one wants to watch two people fumble through a hopelessly dull discussion of Plato's Apology over the din at Maravilla's. [267 points, maximum]
We know that the Hyde Park local music scene isn't really dead since Streganona broke up. Have that aspiring DJ on your team put together a badass mix. Let's face it, though, anyone can put together a supposedly badass mix (DJ Markski comes to mind)--therefore, maximum points will only be awarded if the mix appears at the Betalounge. [124 points]
Back that ass up, ha! [5 points]
Stack that Kass up, ha! [20 points]
Hack that bass up, ha! [6.3 points]
What's 420 on Grand? [4.2 points]
Norman Reynolds's Star Wars concept drawing SWEC 91354 is of what? [39 points]
A change of address confirmation letter redirecting mail to Juneau, AK. [10 points]
Masturbating Bear. His fire was lit by the PimpBot; prove it. [7 points]
Budweiser Millennium Magnum. [12 points]
This photo's a bit tricky to visualise. Batdude is driving on the highway. Throbin, in the backseat, is, um ``pressing ham.'' The car is in motion (driving, as mentioned, on the highway). [18 points]
For a moment, convince us visually and musically that we have been transported to the office in the video for ``Flat Beat.'' Except, instead of a muppet signing papers, we want both Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog, and the pets.com sock puppet signing papers and calling people. [42 points]
Alter the face of the Moon permanently. [500 points, even. -502 points for destroying the Moon]
Trent's last name, at Old Chicago in Oma, ha! [30 points]
A Mama UNH! [2 points]
Grandma UNH! [4 points]
Based on the Wu Family Reception Room, dedicated to Ruth Ann Dayton, create a poster-sized seating chart for the Wu-Tang Clan. [32 points]
Road trip! Beach party! Batdude and Throbin, your intrepid travelers, decide to throw and photograph the throwing of a beach party in a few places over the course of the Hunt. A beach chair and a straw hat should serve as proper proof of having a beach party. The schedule may vary, but here are the locations of the beach parties: by the round barn in Le Mars, IA, by the Roseman Covered Bridge of Madison County, in front of the photo of Skellig Michael at the Weisman Art Museum, on top of the Buena Vista University School of Business Forum, in Toddlertown at the Citibank headquarters in South Dakota, at Rosenblatt Stadium, and on the Dolly Fiterman terrace. [15 points per beach party. 6 bonus points for a beach umbrella, cooler, and frisbee per beach party. 15 bonus points per tough beach party accomplished]
The tabloid-sized seating chart for the HHH-dome. [19 points]
A butcher, a baker, and a candlestick maker. [4 points]
A straight jacket, a restraining order, and a containment field. [5 points, 10 points, and 15 points]
Make Hugo a really nice going away gift. Make it nice. Niiiiice. [2 points]
Most teams just glance at the list Thursday night before nodding off. They'd really regret it this year, because there will be a judge at one of the Buffington Harbor Casinos Thursday from 1 a.m. to 3 a.m., and the sooner you find them, the more points they probably haven't already lost at the tables.
Authentic ninja weaponry. [7 points per item. 20 bonus points if the weaponry is attached to an authentic ninja]
Road-trippers generally would like nothing more than to be simply up and out the door after having their picture taken with the judges Thursday morning. Fine. But if one of your road trippers is dressed as Batdude in the picture, then those extra points will make that first hour so much more tolerable. [If not done, all road trip items count as 0 points. 5 bonus points for Batdude. 20 bonus points if Batdude is accompanied by Throbin]
The Body of Christ. Prove it. [23 points]
The winning ScavHunt trophy. Make a kick-ass design, build it, and present it. [winning trophy gets the second place trophy, second-best gets the third place trophy, and so on]
What's the passwoid? (Hint: it's in the bathroom.) [7 points]
A fresh batch of America Balls. [6 points]
Satisfy Granny. [5 points]
A completed NSO scavenger hunt list. Go for the grand prize. [26 points]
One prom-suitable outfit, costing less than $6, bought at the Ford City Salvation Army. [12 points]
An intracite Tibetan-type ``sand mandala,'' at least four feet by four feet, made from the Riceland Commemorative Millennial rice, brown and white. [99 points. 25 bonus points for a Queen Amandala]
What urban area has streets named ``Milwaukee,'' ``Lake,'' ``Lake Shore Drive,'' ``Western,'' ``Grand,'' and ``Michigan''? [6 points. 0 points for ``Chicago'']
Award Shows get a lot of crap from everybody. Everyone talks about how much they suck, but everyone still watches them. It must be for that delightful Billy Crystal. Well, you know, the more we think about it, this crazy thing called life--or, more appropriately, the ScavHunt--is just one big awards show. We can't have the delightful Billy Crystal, but at least get us some award trophies. We want Oscars, Emmys, Grammys (we guess), but definitely Tonys. Just don't leave them by the dumpster when you leave. [40 points. 15 bonus points for them mounted on gold chains and worn while performing a Big Pun verse from ``Feeling So Good'']
Take a picture of every Porsche in Storm Lake. [12 points per Porsche. 6 Porsches maximum]
A ticket stub to a winning Bulls game from this season. [3 points per stub; 15 points maximum]
Voltron, the larger the better. [24 points. 15 bonus points for either a toy that breaks up into the component lions, a Voltron suit, or GZA/Genius as the head]
We saw some crazy stuff in the United States, so provide rubbings that prove we're not nuts. We want a rubbing that shows that Buena Vista College Salutes (on the plaque of the same name) David Van den Berg, Sports Editor, Chicago Maroon; a rubbing that indicates that the University of Chicago won the College World Series in the 70s; and a rubbing that shows that Herbert Hoover was the first President of the United States. The final rubbing must include the DAR seal. [63 points]
Penrose's quasiperiodic tiling on a 4 square metre dancefloor made up of at least 200 individual parallelograms, then mounted. [71 points]
According to Chippewa County Historical Society Marker 21, from whom was the land the marker's on bought in 1867? [18 points]
Brewers' Bucketful of Brew. [14 points]
Jalapeño Poppers from the Roadhouse in Union Pier. [5 points]
Bring a tire. On it, fit as many teammembers as you can. In diapers. [4 points per teammember]
Buck wallow, stump licker, bore butter, and gorilla grease. [12 points]
Artifacts from as many Major League Baseball ballparks retired in the past ten years as possible. [20 points per park]
A clone of Dr. Funkenstein. [9 points]
Demonstrate a technological advance in the comb. [6 points]
Batdude, please pose only in Post-It notes in front of the white 3M block on Innovation Blvd. [40 points. 80 bonus points if you also get a photo inside the 3M Hall of Products. 40 extra bonus points if you can include a receipt from the Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing Company Store]
...lyrics so deep, they're picked up . [3 points]
What is the value of our intrepid road trip vehicle's top speed, , such that , where the first exit after the Cove Restaurant on an interstate, the base price of the wedding at the MOA wedding chapel, the number of the county road that crosses 212W right before the Chaska Historical Marker, the exit number after the first mention of Chicago on I-80 in Iowa, the population of Heron Lake, MN, the first exit you see after crossing the Boyer River, the milemarker you see right after crossing Randall street, the exit right after Acorn Indoor Self-Storage, and what the speed limit drops to after you pass Iverson's Used Cars? [11 points per correct variable. 31 bonus points for nailing the item correctly
Bureaucrat's reply to: ``Mister, are you Jesus?'' [6 points. 40 bonus points for David Foster Wallace's providing the response. 250 extra bonus points for DFW's providing the response, you know, in person]
We've always had this fantasy of filling the streets with milk and floating cats on innertubes. Now clearly, that isn't practical, but . . . [25 points]
As many people who have posted to uchi.flame by 10 May 2000 to, as a group, eat a cake baby. [4 points per poster]
Don't forget the Cold War! We want the 18 colorised flags of the U.S.S.R. presented in the 1975 revised edition of The Observer's Book of Flags, in a quilt. (Hint: We want the State Flag, the Ensign, the Jack, and the flags of the following SSRs: Armenian, Azerbaijan, Estonian, Georgian, White Russian, Kazakh, Kirghiz, Latvian, Lithuanian, Moldavian, Tadjik, Turkmen, Ukrainian, and Uzbek. And don't forget the flag of the Russian Soviet Federative Socialist Republic!) Then, adorn extra patches of your quilt with various mementos and tchotchkes of the Soviet Days Gone By. We're looking for Realist art, Shostakovich scores, and depictions of the workers' heroes. Throw in a few images of Ladas or Trabants, perhaps even a few portraits of shady mafiya gangsters threatening to elect Putin. No crayon coloring. And no paper. [40 points. 100 bonus points for sewing]
Metal lunchboxes with cool graphics from our salad days. [3 points per lunch box; 24 points maximum. 1 extra point per box for a matching thermos]
Here's a shovel (or towtruck or landmover). Can you dig it, fool? [2 points]
Tell-Tale Heart diorama. Don't eat it if its chocolate. [8 points]
The Internet is what is going to run the High Capitalism of the Early 21st Century (you know, like in Item ). Or ruin it. As a result, present an equally ambivalent website devoted to your team. This website must involve, only, an essay presenting the binary of run/ruin and how it unwinds (using as a main theme Soda's Constructor) in the specific case of, well, the Internet running/ruining the High Capitalism of the Early 21st Century. In addition to the essay, and as cited examples of either (or, since we're all Poststructuralists, both) ruin or run, you must include references to the following: the Dixie Chicks, Jet Man + Cap Boy, that guy who's making everyone happy by walking around the world carrying a huge wooden cross, fisting, transit organizations and their usually pathetic websites (www.bigdig.com counts, surprisingly), John McCain's rumours about Jake Tapper's drinking, Kruger Park, and Panele magazine. Additionally, throw in a few photos of interesting things, and use JavaScript, XML, and CSS. [64 points. 128 bonus points if the essay is the lead article on Salon]
Now everybody-- [X points]