ScavOlympics

(performed on Mother's Day 1999 in Ida Noyes Hall and her environs, unless indicated otherwise)

1. Pro-Core/Anti-Core, Pro-Secesh/Anti-Secesh. Each team Captain will have either ``North'' or ``South'' written on the copy of the list handed to him or her at the opening of the Hunt. The North and South Captains have to organize themselves into competing armies and reënact what happened on April 6, 1862 in exactly three minutes. Please be sure to include:
   1. Attacks on the Sunken Road.
   2. General Johnston's death.
   3. Soldiers crawling to Bloody Pond.
   Historical outcome will be suspended and a winner will be declared. All points go to the teams making up the winning side. [120 points for the winning side]

2. The Best Goo Wins. Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Buttersworth have fought for years for the distinction of ``best fucking syrup anywhere.'' This year, they get to prove themselves once and for all. Present a teammember to portray convincingly the fight to the sticky between the two icons of matinal mastication. Points awarded on the credibility of the brawl. [50 points for first place, 25 for second, 15 for third]

3. ``Yaar, that's Handsome Pete. He dances for nickels.'' Well, we don't want Pete, but we want a Peg-leg race, in full Pirate Garb. That means parrot, that means hook, that means a slobbering sycophant named Smee. [50 points for first place, 25 for second, 15 for third]

4. Coed Mud Tower Protect. Imagine, if you will, a tower over six feet tall, with a footprint no larger than two square feet, built entirely of aluminum--no glue, no nothing. Now, this tower must be valiantly protected from the other teams by three members of your team wearing only helmets and skimpy swimwear. At the same time, however, they must be eagerly looking to compromise the other towers and knock them over. Nobody gets hurt. [100 points if your tower stays up after ten minutes, 20 points per tower your team helps knock down]

5. Pull!(ed his) ThighMaster $^{\mbox{\scriptsize {TM}}}$ (cata)Pull!(t). This is a non-stock ThighMaster $^{\mbox{\scriptsize {TM}}}$ competition. Your exercise device must be used as a catapult-like device, launching jelly donuts at a Suzanne Somers Doppelganger. She must catch the donuts in either her mouth or her haltertop. [50 points for most doughnuts caught, 25 for second, 15 for third]

6. Squeeze Cheese on Your Knees. When I was a kid, I always wanted to sneak some squeeze cheese into my system whenever I went to Jewel. Well, I never did it, but now you get to. Standard size bottle is required. Flavour is up to the contestant, who does not have to self-inject the cheese. Now race. [50 points for first place, 25 for second, 15 for third]

7. Le Deuxième Fumerama en Deux Partes.
   1. Please present a wildly elaborate apparatus for smoking tobacco. Points to be awarded based on its elaborateness compared to the apparatuses presented by the other teams. [50 points for first place, 25 for second, 15 for third in terms of style. Up to 100 bonus points available for an extreme Rube Goldberg-esque apparatus]
   2. Transfer the smoke gleaned from this apparatus of the gods orally or nasally between five team members. Each teammember must exhale smoke. [50 points]

8. College Diet Staple Eat-Off. Needed: 43 flavor packs from ramen containers. Sure that's easy, but then there's the second part: crack open the containers, put them in a giant bowl, and pass that bowl around. Extra points if the last guy licks it clean. The entire relay must be done within five minutes. [50 points for first place, 25 for second, 15 for third]

9. Team Indian Run Race. Your diligent squadron of sprinters must field seven runners, including one Captain and two smokers from Scavolympic Item . An entire rotation must be completed during a sprint up and down the Midway. [100 points for first place, 50 for second, 30 for third. 300 Bonus points if all teammembers are equipped in lacrosse gear--gloves, helmet, and stick required]

10. Intergender Wrestling Title Bout, 1999. The rules here are simple, each team fields a champion and a challenger, who will then wrestle for the belt. We all saw that 20/20 report, so be safe. Points awarded based on how many trips the loser takes to the smackdown hotel and how many times the winner preaches about [team name here] 3:16. [50 points for most style, grace, savior-faire and general intergender action, 25 for second, 15 for third]

11. Hosed. Propel a stream of water over Ida Noyes Hall (North-South, from Lab School parking lot). The water must be coloured with food colouring. Your devices may also break nothing. [150 points for first place in distance, 100 for second, 50 for third. 0 points if your stream fails to even cover the building]

12. Tossa Keg. This one is simple. Throw a keg as far as humanly possible. With class. No hooting, no hollering, no high fives. And no Miller Lite. [50 points for first place, 25 for second, 15 for third]